Well, after last week's Random Thought Thursdays post, I received a lot of positive feedback. Most notably - I learned I'm not the only Elf on the Shelf hater out there. Woo!
So, with that being said, here's this week's installment of my random thoughts.
ONE: Social Media
I have a Facebook. Confession: I hate it. I find myself being annoyed by it more than encouraged. I've done the whole Facebook hiatus thing. Except Facebook emails you saying they miss you (not kidding). So, maybe I'll completely delete my account in the near future. We shall see. But I can with 99% certainty guarantee that I will never get a Twitter or Instagram.
TWO: Apologizing to Inanimate Objects
Ok, I have this problem which often tends to show itself when I'm at the grocery store. Whenever I run into anything (people, objects, air), I apologize. Now, this is a fantastic practice for when I happen to run into human beings. But, when all I'm running into is a display at the grocery store - well, I just look absolutely crazy profusely apologizing to cardboard.
THREE: Andy Williams
You know, that dude who sings, "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!" Yeah, that's Andy Williams. I grew up not too incredibly far from Branson, so I would often hear his Christmas Show commercial play around this time of the year. But, I have to wonder, what was so "wonderful" around this time for Andy Williams? Every. Single. Year. I've never had a "most wonderful time" around this time of year. Never. Sorry, call me a Grinch, send me hate mail, I don't care. You will never convince me this is the most wonderful time of year. Never. Bah humbug!
Also, the author of this article is my new BFF. He states the truth about this "most wonderful time of the year" oh so beautifully!
FOUR: My Computer Hates Me
Every time I go to type on this computer, it decides I should write in Chinese rather than English. Today alone, it has switched to Chinese on me mid-sentence four times. Maybe I should just learn Chinese so whenever it decides to switch, I can continue to type and read!
FIVE: Engagement Season
It's the holiday season. Which means I can expect at least one of my friends to get engaged. If not a Christmas engagement, there will be a New Years one. Normally, I dread logging on to any social media site this time of year for this very reason. But then, I discovered the amazingness that is the tumblr page Bad Engagement Photos. Do yourself a huge holiday favor, click that link and check the website out. The photos, the descriptions, the tears of laughter you will produce. Go enjoy!
And there you have it - this week's installment of my random thoughts on this, yet another, cold December Thursday! And before you hate on me for complaining about it being cold in December, remember that I live in the Deep South. Isn't it, therefore, supposed to be warmer than freezing??
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Hey There, Depression!
You have NOT been missed.
But you sure have found a way to fantastically and successfully kick my butt this week.
Because if I wasn't already feeling down enough about life, you sure helped me realize things can always be worse.
My body deeply aches from hitting the gym everyday for 1.5 hours to try to work out you of my system. And yet, you continue to hang out. You've got your nails dug into me so deep that you're starting to bring about physical pain.
If you can be replaced by sleep and motivation in the very near future, that would be greatly appreciated.
Until then, I suppose today will be yet another day of hanging out in bed all day balling my eyes out.
And Andy Williams bragged about this being "the most wonderful time of the year"??
EDIT:
Are you a Christian woman who also struggles with depression? If so, you need to read this article by Serena DeGarmo. Seriously. Read it.
But you sure have found a way to fantastically and successfully kick my butt this week.
Because if I wasn't already feeling down enough about life, you sure helped me realize things can always be worse.
My body deeply aches from hitting the gym everyday for 1.5 hours to try to work out you of my system. And yet, you continue to hang out. You've got your nails dug into me so deep that you're starting to bring about physical pain.
If you can be replaced by sleep and motivation in the very near future, that would be greatly appreciated.
Until then, I suppose today will be yet another day of hanging out in bed all day balling my eyes out.
And Andy Williams bragged about this being "the most wonderful time of the year"??
EDIT:
Are you a Christian woman who also struggles with depression? If so, you need to read this article by Serena DeGarmo. Seriously. Read it.
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
For This is Right
For the past few years, my family has been dealing with a lot of ugliness. I remember once, I told my dad that I felt so close to God, the closest I had ever felt in my life. His response: "That's precisely when the devil tries to interfere and tear you away from God."
Well, the devil sure has been trying to shove his way into my family. And, my family continues to amaze me with their faith in God. Their unwavering faith builds up my faith.
The other week, we studied the topic of love in Bible class. The topic centered mostly around the love a parent has for their child. Even though I'm not a parent, I am a child. I got to thinking about how this earthly parent-child relationship is comparable to God's love for and relationship with us, His children. Just like our earthly parents want the best for us, so does God. And, just as our earthly parents have instructed us, so has God. Most importantly, just as our earthly parents love us, God loves us - He loves us so much that He sacrificed His only son for us that we may have the hope of spending eternity in heaven with Him.
During the course of this Bible class study, I really noticed Ephesians 6:1 for the first time. "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right."
That last phrase really hit me - this is right. It reminds me a lot of a phrase I often heard growing up, "Because I said so." There was never further explanation because no further explanation was needed. Your parents told you to clean your room, you were to do it. Why? Because that's what obedience is all about.
Here's the definition of obedience: compliance with an order, request, or law, or submission to another's authority. You did as your parents instructed you because they had authority over you.
Well, God is our Father. He has authority over us. And yet, we so often want to tell God that we know better than He does. We so often like telling God, our Creator, that we're smarter than Him. He knows us better than we know ourselves (He knows what every inch of your body looks like, He knows every thought you have, He even knows the number of hairs on your head). But we have somehow managed to convince ourselves that we know more than Him.
So many today have decided that they don't want to obey God. Despite Him commanding us to do as He instructs. Despite Him telling us that obeying Him is what is right. Period.
My dad said something to me today that really hit me. I love it so much, that it's going to become goal #7 for this journey.
None of us are perfect; however, all of us must seek perfection in Christ.
I John 2:3-6 says the following: Now by this we know that we know Him, if we keep His commandments. He who says, "I know Him," and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But whoever keeps His word, truly the love of God is perfected in him. By this we know that we are in Him. He who says he abides in Him ought himself also to walk just as He walked.
Seeking perfection in Christ requires doing as He commands - because this is right. It requires doing all that God commands of us, not just what we feel like doing, what parts of his commands we like, what is convenient for us, or what currently fits in with our lifestyle. That is NOT obedience.
It is one thing to say we love God. It is another to show our love for God by obeying all of His commands.
For we can only be perfected if we keep His word, not our word.
Seek perfection in Christ, for this is right!
Well, the devil sure has been trying to shove his way into my family. And, my family continues to amaze me with their faith in God. Their unwavering faith builds up my faith.
The other week, we studied the topic of love in Bible class. The topic centered mostly around the love a parent has for their child. Even though I'm not a parent, I am a child. I got to thinking about how this earthly parent-child relationship is comparable to God's love for and relationship with us, His children. Just like our earthly parents want the best for us, so does God. And, just as our earthly parents have instructed us, so has God. Most importantly, just as our earthly parents love us, God loves us - He loves us so much that He sacrificed His only son for us that we may have the hope of spending eternity in heaven with Him.
During the course of this Bible class study, I really noticed Ephesians 6:1 for the first time. "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right."
That last phrase really hit me - this is right. It reminds me a lot of a phrase I often heard growing up, "Because I said so." There was never further explanation because no further explanation was needed. Your parents told you to clean your room, you were to do it. Why? Because that's what obedience is all about.
 |
| (Image courtesy of Google Images) |
Well, God is our Father. He has authority over us. And yet, we so often want to tell God that we know better than He does. We so often like telling God, our Creator, that we're smarter than Him. He knows us better than we know ourselves (He knows what every inch of your body looks like, He knows every thought you have, He even knows the number of hairs on your head). But we have somehow managed to convince ourselves that we know more than Him.
So many today have decided that they don't want to obey God. Despite Him commanding us to do as He instructs. Despite Him telling us that obeying Him is what is right. Period.
My dad said something to me today that really hit me. I love it so much, that it's going to become goal #7 for this journey.
None of us are perfect; however, all of us must seek perfection in Christ.
I John 2:3-6 says the following: Now by this we know that we know Him, if we keep His commandments. He who says, "I know Him," and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But whoever keeps His word, truly the love of God is perfected in him. By this we know that we are in Him. He who says he abides in Him ought himself also to walk just as He walked.
Seeking perfection in Christ requires doing as He commands - because this is right. It requires doing all that God commands of us, not just what we feel like doing, what parts of his commands we like, what is convenient for us, or what currently fits in with our lifestyle. That is NOT obedience.
It is one thing to say we love God. It is another to show our love for God by obeying all of His commands.
For we can only be perfected if we keep His word, not our word.
Seek perfection in Christ, for this is right!
Monday, December 16, 2013
The Mom Look
Like many, I live for the weekends. If it involves not having to get out of bed, not having to get dressed, not having to shower, not having to look cute -- I'm all about it!
But, this past Saturday, some children decided they were so excited about the steps located outside my door that they wanted to run up and down them. Repeatedly. While screaming. Loudly.
In case you're new here, let me restate the obvious - I am single. (If I keep saying it, does that increase my chances of a Christmas miracle happening??)
I don't have kids. Sure, I think they're cute. But not early on Saturday morning when they're screaming right outside my door.
Even though I don't possess children of my own, I have done quite a bit of babysitting in my life. I also got quite a bit of the classic "Mom look" growing up from my own mother. Between these two, I have learned how to throw a pretty good "Mom look" myself.
However, it's been a while since I've had to actually use said look on children. Result: the Mom Look is a play that's a bit rusty in my current bag of tricks.
Well, not only did these screaming children move me to get out of my incredibly comfortable and warm bed early on a Saturday morning, but they also moved me to open my door to a brighter light and colder temp than I cared to enjoy.
I flung open my door, gave the look to each of those 4 unadorable screaming children, heard a quiet "We're sorry..." come from the oldest of the group, closed my door, and crawled back in bed to silence.
Success.
(And I wonder why I'm still single...)
But, this past Saturday, some children decided they were so excited about the steps located outside my door that they wanted to run up and down them. Repeatedly. While screaming. Loudly.
In case you're new here, let me restate the obvious - I am single. (If I keep saying it, does that increase my chances of a Christmas miracle happening??)
I don't have kids. Sure, I think they're cute. But not early on Saturday morning when they're screaming right outside my door.
Even though I don't possess children of my own, I have done quite a bit of babysitting in my life. I also got quite a bit of the classic "Mom look" growing up from my own mother. Between these two, I have learned how to throw a pretty good "Mom look" myself.
However, it's been a while since I've had to actually use said look on children. Result: the Mom Look is a play that's a bit rusty in my current bag of tricks.
Well, not only did these screaming children move me to get out of my incredibly comfortable and warm bed early on a Saturday morning, but they also moved me to open my door to a brighter light and colder temp than I cared to enjoy.
I flung open my door, gave the look to each of those 4 unadorable screaming children, heard a quiet "We're sorry..." come from the oldest of the group, closed my door, and crawled back in bed to silence.
Success.
(And I wonder why I'm still single...)
Friday, December 13, 2013
The Single Life Facade
A while back, I remember reading a lot of blog posts by busy bloggers (most of them were moms). They would post a picture that made their life seem perfect and ideal. And then they'd post about what you don't see in that picture - which would include a detailed discussion of the mess that didn't make it into the photo frame, the tantrums that were thrown earlier in the day, the worries and tears shed by the parents over how to afford Christmas presents this year, etc.
Long story short, these were posts about how deceptively deceiving our lives as we choose to share with others can be.
Believe it or not, but the same applies for us singletons. We may post photos of us out on a weeknight with our friends having fun. We may brag on Facebook about how much fun we had on our last-minute weekend getaway. But our lives aren't perfect either. They, too, are deceptively deceiving.
In case you missed this announcement - I'm single. I am the chef, housekeeper, grocery shopper, income provider, bill payer for my household. I do it all. Sounds empowering, right? Kinda like, "I am woman, hear me roar!"
Well, here's the reality. Here's what you don't see on my Facebook --
Moral of the story -- the grass isn't always greener on the other side. My life is not exponentially easier, carefree, or more fun because I'm single. So don't let the singlehood facade confuse you. Because it's just that - a facade.
Rather than be jealous of what others choose to share via Facebook/Instagram/Twitter/Blogger, embrace the life God has blessed you with because He has a plan for you, a plan far greater than you can imagine. (Self, take note!)
Pretty sure I just established goal #6 for my journey...
Long story short, these were posts about how deceptively deceiving our lives as we choose to share with others can be.
Believe it or not, but the same applies for us singletons. We may post photos of us out on a weeknight with our friends having fun. We may brag on Facebook about how much fun we had on our last-minute weekend getaway. But our lives aren't perfect either. They, too, are deceptively deceiving.
In case you missed this announcement - I'm single. I am the chef, housekeeper, grocery shopper, income provider, bill payer for my household. I do it all. Sounds empowering, right? Kinda like, "I am woman, hear me roar!"
Well, here's the reality. Here's what you don't see on my Facebook --
- I fall asleep on my couch watching tv more nights than I honestly care to admit. There's just no incentive to leave the couch for a cold bed.
- I don't sleep at night because I can't. My mind is racing over how I'm going to pay the bills, do laundry, find time to grocery shop, what to cook with the limited food I have in my pantry, etc. And when I am able to sleep, I am awoken by a panic attack.
- I work out daily because it's one of the few things I know I can rely on. It's the one place where I can be reminded that although the rest of my life is a hot mess, I can still spin just as fast as the SAHMs or lift the same amount of weight I could lift last week (if not a bit more).
- My house isn't decorated for Christmas because I don't see the point. Nor do I have the time or energy for it.
- You know that amazing dinner I cooked the other night - which was the first time I've actually cooked dinner in months? Yeah, I'm still eating that dinner...3 days later.
- Yes, I went out shopping on a weeknight with friends till 8pm. But what you didn't see is how that night was spent watching them shop for their boyfriends.
- My loan repayment is due today, Friday the 13th. Because that is my luck. And it's also something you definitely won't see me bragging on Facebook about!
Moral of the story -- the grass isn't always greener on the other side. My life is not exponentially easier, carefree, or more fun because I'm single. So don't let the singlehood facade confuse you. Because it's just that - a facade.
Rather than be jealous of what others choose to share via Facebook/Instagram/Twitter/Blogger, embrace the life God has blessed you with because He has a plan for you, a plan far greater than you can imagine. (Self, take note!)
Pretty sure I just established goal #6 for my journey...
Thursday, December 12, 2013
Random Thought Thursdays
So, I suck at blogging (even though I promised myself I would recommit to it). Tell me something I don't know. Moving right along...
Life is still working on figuring itself out. Correction - I'm still working on trying to figure out my life. I could be like a large portion of my Facebook newsfeed and thank Obama for still being unsure about life, but I doubt he'll ever read this blog. Plus, it's not like I'm blameless in this situation. So what's the point?
Speaking of Facebook newsfeed, the other day I vented to a friend about how much Facebook annoys me at times. Yet, I can't bring myself to delete my account. I still have yet to figure out why I continue to torture myself.
All those frustrations led me to the realization that I have a blog. A blog that I was supposed to be recommitted to. So, why not start posting all my random thoughts (or rants) here? Because surely I can't be the only one with these thoughts.
Here's the premiere Random Thought Thursdays post (which could possibly be the last one) --
ONE: Elf on the Shelf.
Ok, I'll admit, I'm not married and I don't have kids. So maybe I don't truly "get it." But, I've seen all my Facebook friends post their adorable elves making unadorable messes on Facebook for a few years now. Year one, it was cute. Year two, it was starting to get annoying. Now, I am seeing more posts of these elves doing dirty (as in inappropriate) things and parents complaining about having to come up with something creative to do with said elves. Look, if you have to position a child's toy into an inappropriate position/act to find joy, inspiration, motivation to get your kid to behave, it's time to move on. Try something crazy like disciplining your child when they act up, or telling them "No!", or giving them the classic "Mom look" I got quite a bit of growing up, or (going way out there extreme here) try reading the Bible with them so they see they should behave because God commands them to do so (see Ephesians 6:1; Colossians 3:20).
TWO: Take Note Single Men!
In case you didn't read point one, let me restate the obvious. I am single. Husbandless. Childless. Which means I do basically every life task alone. Drive places in my car - alone. Grocery shop - alone. Live - alone. I'm alone. Now, I'm not crying or complaining over that (shout out to my therapist!). Being alone has been the story of the past 7 years of my life. But what I am asking is that if you're a dude and you see me out alone, please find a good, creative way to hit on me. I've heard the classic, awful, cheesy pick-up lines. Want to win my heart, or my number at the very least, get creative. Better yet, just be honest with me! No need trying to be someone you're not. Truth: if you can make me sincerely laugh - as opposed to awkward, get me out of here ASAP because I'm uncomfortable laugh - there's a good possibility I'll take you up on your date offer.
THREE: Birthday Celebrations.
And, just in case you can't tell from the above photo caption, my birthday is coming up. Confession: I'm not a big celebrator. [Insert shock and gasps of disbelief here.] Yeah, you read that right. Which means I'm typically not that person who runs around and brags to all her friends about her upcoming "special day." Nor am I that person who organizes my own party. So, if you happen to know my birthday is coming up (which you should now since I just told you) and you want to celebrate it, do me a favor and just tell me so. Because one of my many awkward life traits I possess is that I don't like asking people to celebrate myself. It's just...awkward...
FOUR: Holiday Hoopla.
I could not celebrate any holiday and be perfectly content with my life. [Insert round two of shock and gasps here.] I have exactly zero Christmas decorations up at my house. My mom called me all upset because all of my decorations are still at my parents' house. Yeah, I didn't shed one tear or have my blood pressure fluctuate one bit at that news. Now, I love my family and I'm all about spending time with them - especially considering the fact that 2 states currently divide us. But I don't need a holiday full of stress and stress eating to enjoy spending time with them. I'd totally support boycotting the holidays for one meaningful family vacation per year - preferably a vacation location that's warm and comes with a beach.
FIVE. Share the Awkward.
Ok, before you start going off on me on how I'm contradicting myself (see point three), hear me out. My life is like one big awkward moment. So, one would think that by this point, I'd be used to it and would be amazing at dealing with the awkwardness. False. I have, however, learned how to embrace and include others in on my awkward moments - I share the awkward. Some story is brought up that makes me uncomfortable (and is specifically brought up to make me uncomfortable), I'll start saying things I know will make everyone else uncomfortable. They'll start feeling uncomfortable, things will get way awkward for all parties involved, and suddenly the topic will switch gears. Don't believe me? Try it! This method has yet to fail me. And considering how many awkward moments comprise my life, that's saying a lot!
And there we have it, my blog friends. The first and possibly last installment of my random thoughts on this cold December Thursday! I even managed to throw in a few pics (go me!). Now I shall wait with bated breath for all the hate comments! Bring it on, haters!!
Life is still working on figuring itself out. Correction - I'm still working on trying to figure out my life. I could be like a large portion of my Facebook newsfeed and thank Obama for still being unsure about life, but I doubt he'll ever read this blog. Plus, it's not like I'm blameless in this situation. So what's the point?
Speaking of Facebook newsfeed, the other day I vented to a friend about how much Facebook annoys me at times. Yet, I can't bring myself to delete my account. I still have yet to figure out why I continue to torture myself.
All those frustrations led me to the realization that I have a blog. A blog that I was supposed to be recommitted to. So, why not start posting all my random thoughts (or rants) here? Because surely I can't be the only one with these thoughts.
Here's the premiere Random Thought Thursdays post (which could possibly be the last one) --
ONE: Elf on the Shelf.
 |
| In case you don't have friends with kids - because I've got tons - this is what I'm about to complain about. Just giving you a heads up! |
TWO: Take Note Single Men!
In case you didn't read point one, let me restate the obvious. I am single. Husbandless. Childless. Which means I do basically every life task alone. Drive places in my car - alone. Grocery shop - alone. Live - alone. I'm alone. Now, I'm not crying or complaining over that (shout out to my therapist!). Being alone has been the story of the past 7 years of my life. But what I am asking is that if you're a dude and you see me out alone, please find a good, creative way to hit on me. I've heard the classic, awful, cheesy pick-up lines. Want to win my heart, or my number at the very least, get creative. Better yet, just be honest with me! No need trying to be someone you're not. Truth: if you can make me sincerely laugh - as opposed to awkward, get me out of here ASAP because I'm uncomfortable laugh - there's a good possibility I'll take you up on your date offer.
THREE: Birthday Celebrations.
 |
| My 21st birthday celebration, where I managed to blow the candles clear out of the cake. Because that's how my birthday celebrations go. |
FOUR: Holiday Hoopla.
 |
| See this picture of this beautiful house all decked out for the holidays (courtesy of Google Images)? Yeah...my house looks absolutely nothing like this. Not one tree, not one ornament, not one twinkling light, and I definitely don't have a fireplace. |
FIVE. Share the Awkward.
Ok, before you start going off on me on how I'm contradicting myself (see point three), hear me out. My life is like one big awkward moment. So, one would think that by this point, I'd be used to it and would be amazing at dealing with the awkwardness. False. I have, however, learned how to embrace and include others in on my awkward moments - I share the awkward. Some story is brought up that makes me uncomfortable (and is specifically brought up to make me uncomfortable), I'll start saying things I know will make everyone else uncomfortable. They'll start feeling uncomfortable, things will get way awkward for all parties involved, and suddenly the topic will switch gears. Don't believe me? Try it! This method has yet to fail me. And considering how many awkward moments comprise my life, that's saying a lot!
And there we have it, my blog friends. The first and possibly last installment of my random thoughts on this cold December Thursday! I even managed to throw in a few pics (go me!). Now I shall wait with bated breath for all the hate comments! Bring it on, haters!!
Saturday, November 2, 2013
Oy vey!
I have thoroughly neglected this blog these past few months! And what a terrible time I did, as I totally left you all with a huge cliff hanger.
Well, I got my injections, was told by Dr. S to give it a week and see if life got better, and to my shock and awe, life chronic-migraine-wise did get better! Which meant no hospitalization (this time around)! Wohoo!!
Which means I still owe you all a post on migraine hospitalization. Will you allow me to raincheck it just this once? I'm just not really feeling in a hospitalization discussion mood. But I promise I will make a post (just not today)!!
Reasons why I've neglected this blog these past few months --
1. I don't know that I ever made it public, but I was busy studying this summer for my licensing exam. An incredibly grueling process for an incredibly difficult exam. Well, I took the exam at the end of the summer. Afterwards, I spent a lot of time fighting my depression as I was sure I had failed. When I'm depressed, I feel very uninspired. Hence no blogging.
2. About a month and a half ago, I found out that - to my shock, surprise, and awe - I passed my licensing exam!
3. After finding out I had passed, I then faced the fun life that is unemployment. Totally kidding on the fun part. Basically, I spent all day searching for a job. Which became quite complicated because that little thing called the government shutdown happened. Unemployment life is quite uninspiring. Hence, yet again, no blogging.
BUT, I'm back to blogging again. I'm recommitting myself to this. I started this blog to prove to others out there struggling that there is hope. And to remind myself that even when things seem dark and impossible, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Plus, I may start posting pics of my chronic migraine life and journey to live life as any other "normal" human being would. Which means I need to start taking pics again... I could make "Take more pictures" goal number 6 of this journey, but it just seems off when I consider my current 5 goals...
So, Happy November blogging world!! This Deep South transplant migraineur is officially back and ready to blog!
Well, I got my injections, was told by Dr. S to give it a week and see if life got better, and to my shock and awe, life chronic-migraine-wise did get better! Which meant no hospitalization (this time around)! Wohoo!!
Which means I still owe you all a post on migraine hospitalization. Will you allow me to raincheck it just this once? I'm just not really feeling in a hospitalization discussion mood. But I promise I will make a post (just not today)!!
Reasons why I've neglected this blog these past few months --
1. I don't know that I ever made it public, but I was busy studying this summer for my licensing exam. An incredibly grueling process for an incredibly difficult exam. Well, I took the exam at the end of the summer. Afterwards, I spent a lot of time fighting my depression as I was sure I had failed. When I'm depressed, I feel very uninspired. Hence no blogging.
2. About a month and a half ago, I found out that - to my shock, surprise, and awe - I passed my licensing exam!
3. After finding out I had passed, I then faced the fun life that is unemployment. Totally kidding on the fun part. Basically, I spent all day searching for a job. Which became quite complicated because that little thing called the government shutdown happened. Unemployment life is quite uninspiring. Hence, yet again, no blogging.
BUT, I'm back to blogging again. I'm recommitting myself to this. I started this blog to prove to others out there struggling that there is hope. And to remind myself that even when things seem dark and impossible, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Plus, I may start posting pics of my chronic migraine life and journey to live life as any other "normal" human being would. Which means I need to start taking pics again... I could make "Take more pictures" goal number 6 of this journey, but it just seems off when I consider my current 5 goals...
So, Happy November blogging world!! This Deep South transplant migraineur is officially back and ready to blog!
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Foreshadowing
Well, my confused nerves are officially unconfused and back to working as "normal people nerves" work.
Which means hello migraine - Day 7.
Been on steroids since Day 4. Like heavy duty steroids. When the steroids are in my system and working, life is bearable. When they wear off, life sucks and I feel like poop.
All set up to get my shots on Friday. Although I'm worried that by the time I roll in on Friday, I'll be too far gone for the shots to provide the relief they usually do.
Saving my last abortive for the week for my dear friend's wedding on Saturday. Because that's one event that I'd really like to enjoy and be present (physically and mentally) for.
Regardless, I foresee yet another hospitalization in my near future. Not the dream vacation I had planned, but at least I'm on vacation and don't have to worry about missing out on important life events (like work, school, socialization activities, etc.).
Wish I could blog more, but my head just can't handle it right now.
Next post likely to revolve around being hospitalized for a migraine. One, because I've never blogged about that before. And two, because it's looking like that's what's about to happen to me...
Stay tuned!
Which means hello migraine - Day 7.
Been on steroids since Day 4. Like heavy duty steroids. When the steroids are in my system and working, life is bearable. When they wear off, life sucks and I feel like poop.
All set up to get my shots on Friday. Although I'm worried that by the time I roll in on Friday, I'll be too far gone for the shots to provide the relief they usually do.
Saving my last abortive for the week for my dear friend's wedding on Saturday. Because that's one event that I'd really like to enjoy and be present (physically and mentally) for.
Regardless, I foresee yet another hospitalization in my near future. Not the dream vacation I had planned, but at least I'm on vacation and don't have to worry about missing out on important life events (like work, school, socialization activities, etc.).
Wish I could blog more, but my head just can't handle it right now.
Next post likely to revolve around being hospitalized for a migraine. One, because I've never blogged about that before. And two, because it's looking like that's what's about to happen to me...
Stay tuned!
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Confused Nerves
A few months ago, I posted about my experiences with getting Botox as a treatment for migraines. (Check out that blog post here)
I'm like clockwork - every 12 weeks, I'm in Dr. S's office getting 31 injections.
Well, because of things I'd been facing in life around that 12 week mark, I ultimately cancelled my appointment.
Normally, this is not something I'd recommend. Seriously. Once you get on a 12 week schedule, stick to it. It's honestly what's best. 12 weeks is just the perfect amount of time where the shots start wearing off. And before things can get too bad, you're getting reinjected.
But, I'm currently 4 weeks past that 12 week point. Which means my muscles are starting to move again and my nerves are starting to come alive again.
I live in The Deep South. If you thought August was hot where you live, seriously, come down South. Not only are things bigger down South, but they're far hotter as well!
I took up running a few months ago. Today, I was that idiot you see out running when it's 100 degrees outside. But I had to get in a run today. And, honestly, the time I ran was the best time of the day I could have gone for a run (and the coolest daylight time).
As I was sweating profusely, my nerves decided that, now since they are slowly coming back to life again, they should react to such extreme heat. And so they did. By sending out cold signals.
Yes. I was totally sweating like a man with goosebumps all up and down my body.
The first time it happened, it was slightly scary. It was a new experience that I had never experienced before. I didn't know if it was normal, unhealthy, bad, etc. But now, it's getting to that annoying point. While I'm glad my nerves aren't quite alive enough yet to send out legit pain signals, it's frustrating to be standing out in 100 degree weather looking like I'm freezing cold. Because I'm definitely not. I just have very confused nerves currently.
Next week will be the 5 week past 12 mark (aka the 17 week point). Luckily, next week will be the week these nerves will yet again be injected.
Until then, please excuse me while I sweat profusely while looking like I'm freezing cold. Because I'm totally not.
I'm like clockwork - every 12 weeks, I'm in Dr. S's office getting 31 injections.
Well, because of things I'd been facing in life around that 12 week mark, I ultimately cancelled my appointment.
Normally, this is not something I'd recommend. Seriously. Once you get on a 12 week schedule, stick to it. It's honestly what's best. 12 weeks is just the perfect amount of time where the shots start wearing off. And before things can get too bad, you're getting reinjected.
But, I'm currently 4 weeks past that 12 week point. Which means my muscles are starting to move again and my nerves are starting to come alive again.
I live in The Deep South. If you thought August was hot where you live, seriously, come down South. Not only are things bigger down South, but they're far hotter as well!
I took up running a few months ago. Today, I was that idiot you see out running when it's 100 degrees outside. But I had to get in a run today. And, honestly, the time I ran was the best time of the day I could have gone for a run (and the coolest daylight time).
As I was sweating profusely, my nerves decided that, now since they are slowly coming back to life again, they should react to such extreme heat. And so they did. By sending out cold signals.
Yes. I was totally sweating like a man with goosebumps all up and down my body.
The first time it happened, it was slightly scary. It was a new experience that I had never experienced before. I didn't know if it was normal, unhealthy, bad, etc. But now, it's getting to that annoying point. While I'm glad my nerves aren't quite alive enough yet to send out legit pain signals, it's frustrating to be standing out in 100 degree weather looking like I'm freezing cold. Because I'm definitely not. I just have very confused nerves currently.
Next week will be the 5 week past 12 mark (aka the 17 week point). Luckily, next week will be the week these nerves will yet again be injected.
Until then, please excuse me while I sweat profusely while looking like I'm freezing cold. Because I'm totally not.
Friday, July 19, 2013
Pep Talks and Goal #5
My life this past month has been one pep talk after another.
Most are self-given. Yes, I give myself daily pep talks. Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do.
But, lately, I've been blessed to have someone come into my life who is fantastically amazing at giving pep talks.
So, here's the thing...
Throughout these past few months, with my life twist-turned upside down, I've had the unfortunate pleasure of figuring out - the hardest way ever - who my true friends are. People I thought were my friends suddenly fell off the face of the earth when the realized I couldn't drop everything and do for them whenever they needed it. It's been heartbreaking, to say the least. To know you've invested so much time, energy, and love into someone. And to have it all mean nothing in the end. Heartbreaking is honestly the only word I can find to describe what it's been like. Which, ironically, goes back to Goal #4.
But, one day, I decided I was going to go outside and get a little Vitamin C - mostly in the hopes that the sunshine would help cheer me up, allow me to relax, and melt away (ok, more like sweat away) all the heartache I'd been enduring.
Well, in this quest, I met someone. Someone who has become a very dear friend to me (although I'm not sure they realize just how dear they are). Each day, they hit me with a pep talk.
Today's was, as simple and obvious as it was, quite profound. And so I'm sharing it...
"I think you're going to do great and you will look back on this and feel like you wasted so much energy worrying. Chin up and eye on the prize. I have faith in you. P.S. Try to get some sleep"
How true! The one thing standing in my way is worry (and lack of sleep - but that's a blog topic for another day). Each day, I stare at Matthew 11:28-30, a scripture I've posted in my home.
Matthew 11:28-30 says, "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gently and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light."
I've been so consumed with worry. Worried about my current life events and state. Worried about these friendships that I've come to realize never really were. Worried about making it through the day. Worried about meeting the expectations and needs of others. Worried about the future and what it holds. Worried. And, as much as I've been praying, I haven't been praying to God about the worry. I've asked for comfort, I've asked for peace. But I've never talked to Him about the worry. I've never truly given it to Him.
How can I expect to achieve the true and ultimate prize - eternity in Heaven with my Maker and Savior - unless I give it all over?
Which leads me to setting my 5th goal for this journey...
Goal #5: let go of the pain, hurt, heartache, and worry. Give it all to God so that you may obtain true rest.
Most are self-given. Yes, I give myself daily pep talks. Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do.
But, lately, I've been blessed to have someone come into my life who is fantastically amazing at giving pep talks.
So, here's the thing...
Throughout these past few months, with my life twist-turned upside down, I've had the unfortunate pleasure of figuring out - the hardest way ever - who my true friends are. People I thought were my friends suddenly fell off the face of the earth when the realized I couldn't drop everything and do for them whenever they needed it. It's been heartbreaking, to say the least. To know you've invested so much time, energy, and love into someone. And to have it all mean nothing in the end. Heartbreaking is honestly the only word I can find to describe what it's been like. Which, ironically, goes back to Goal #4.
But, one day, I decided I was going to go outside and get a little Vitamin C - mostly in the hopes that the sunshine would help cheer me up, allow me to relax, and melt away (ok, more like sweat away) all the heartache I'd been enduring.
Well, in this quest, I met someone. Someone who has become a very dear friend to me (although I'm not sure they realize just how dear they are). Each day, they hit me with a pep talk.
Today's was, as simple and obvious as it was, quite profound. And so I'm sharing it...
"I think you're going to do great and you will look back on this and feel like you wasted so much energy worrying. Chin up and eye on the prize. I have faith in you. P.S. Try to get some sleep"
How true! The one thing standing in my way is worry (and lack of sleep - but that's a blog topic for another day). Each day, I stare at Matthew 11:28-30, a scripture I've posted in my home.
Matthew 11:28-30 says, "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gently and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light."
I've been so consumed with worry. Worried about my current life events and state. Worried about these friendships that I've come to realize never really were. Worried about making it through the day. Worried about meeting the expectations and needs of others. Worried about the future and what it holds. Worried. And, as much as I've been praying, I haven't been praying to God about the worry. I've asked for comfort, I've asked for peace. But I've never talked to Him about the worry. I've never truly given it to Him.
How can I expect to achieve the true and ultimate prize - eternity in Heaven with my Maker and Savior - unless I give it all over?
Which leads me to setting my 5th goal for this journey...
Goal #5: let go of the pain, hurt, heartache, and worry. Give it all to God so that you may obtain true rest.
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Panic Attacks
Around the time my migraines went from being occasional to chronic and severe, I started experiencing panic attacks.
I tried taking daily medication to help control them, but it left me feeling numb and sent my depression in a crazy downward spiral.
So, I resorted to learning how to cope with them naturally.
Which worked wonders.
That is, until I started down this path that has really got my life turned upside down.
Doctor gave me some Xanax to help deal with the attacks when they come. Which works great. That is, if you catch the attack early enough to take the meds before it escalates into extreme panic attack.
Extreme panic attack happened this morning. Worst one I've ever had. And I was alone. No one around. No one to talk to and get my mind off it. Alone.
I knew I couldn't call my family because they were all either at work or out of town. I knew I couldn't call my close friends because they were also at work or unavailable.
So, I called the one person I knew would answer and help me - Dr. S.
In between quick shallow breaths with tears streaming down my face and focusing all my might on not throwing up, I was able to say the following: "Hey...I...am having...a panic...attack... Took a...Xanax, but...it hasn't kicked...in yet... Please...help..."
Before I could say any more, I was being ordered to lie down, close my eyes, take deep breaths. And in a calming voice, I was hearing, "Deep breath in. And blow it out. Deep breath in. And blow it out. You're doing good! Keep it up!! Deep breath in..."
The conversation ended with, "You know what's the best part about this?? No copay!!"
And this, my friends, is why I will drive halfway across the country, if need be, to continue having Dr. S as my doctor. I don't know many doctors who would do what was done for me today. And for that, I am incredibly grateful.
I tried taking daily medication to help control them, but it left me feeling numb and sent my depression in a crazy downward spiral.
So, I resorted to learning how to cope with them naturally.
Which worked wonders.
That is, until I started down this path that has really got my life turned upside down.
Doctor gave me some Xanax to help deal with the attacks when they come. Which works great. That is, if you catch the attack early enough to take the meds before it escalates into extreme panic attack.
Extreme panic attack happened this morning. Worst one I've ever had. And I was alone. No one around. No one to talk to and get my mind off it. Alone.
I knew I couldn't call my family because they were all either at work or out of town. I knew I couldn't call my close friends because they were also at work or unavailable.
So, I called the one person I knew would answer and help me - Dr. S.
In between quick shallow breaths with tears streaming down my face and focusing all my might on not throwing up, I was able to say the following: "Hey...I...am having...a panic...attack... Took a...Xanax, but...it hasn't kicked...in yet... Please...help..."
Before I could say any more, I was being ordered to lie down, close my eyes, take deep breaths. And in a calming voice, I was hearing, "Deep breath in. And blow it out. Deep breath in. And blow it out. You're doing good! Keep it up!! Deep breath in..."
The conversation ended with, "You know what's the best part about this?? No copay!!"
And this, my friends, is why I will drive halfway across the country, if need be, to continue having Dr. S as my doctor. I don't know many doctors who would do what was done for me today. And for that, I am incredibly grateful.
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Prayer
I've somewhat alluded to the fact that I've got a lot of stuff on my plate currently.
While I really don't want to deal with what I am, I must admit that it is my fault. I have chosen this path, and with that choice comes this hard time. And when I get real down and crabby, I catch myself reminding myself that this is self-inflicted. I have no one to blame but me.
But that's quickly followed up with reminding myself that I'm not in this alone. I've got God on my side. As Dr. S reminded me, I have to ask Him for help. And then I must let go and trust Him. Because Psalm 3:5 commands me to do so: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths."
Well, I've got a friend that's also in the same boat as I am currently. She texted me today expressing how she was having a rough day. I tried offering her some of my tips/tricks that are helping me muddle through the hurdles we come to. But, she was still discouraged.
So, I sat down and did something for her that I love doing for my friends. When I don't know what to say, I pray. And when I don't know the right words to say to uplift my friends, I type out special prayers for them that I've prayed to God. Personally, I think it's one thing for someone to tell you that they're praying for you. But it has a far greater impact when you get the chance to hear/see that prayer. Plus, I love having something to come back to and read when I am down and need the strength and encouragement (hence blogging).
The thing about writing out prayers for my friends is that I find that praying these special prayers for them also brings me peace and comfort. I think it's because when my friends are down, it hurts my heart as well. And it all ties back in with Matthew 11:28 - "Come to Me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."
Until I'm out of the woods, I will continue to pray fervently, trust wholeheartedly, and play this song on repeat in my head --
While I really don't want to deal with what I am, I must admit that it is my fault. I have chosen this path, and with that choice comes this hard time. And when I get real down and crabby, I catch myself reminding myself that this is self-inflicted. I have no one to blame but me.
But that's quickly followed up with reminding myself that I'm not in this alone. I've got God on my side. As Dr. S reminded me, I have to ask Him for help. And then I must let go and trust Him. Because Psalm 3:5 commands me to do so: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths."
Well, I've got a friend that's also in the same boat as I am currently. She texted me today expressing how she was having a rough day. I tried offering her some of my tips/tricks that are helping me muddle through the hurdles we come to. But, she was still discouraged.
So, I sat down and did something for her that I love doing for my friends. When I don't know what to say, I pray. And when I don't know the right words to say to uplift my friends, I type out special prayers for them that I've prayed to God. Personally, I think it's one thing for someone to tell you that they're praying for you. But it has a far greater impact when you get the chance to hear/see that prayer. Plus, I love having something to come back to and read when I am down and need the strength and encouragement (hence blogging).
The thing about writing out prayers for my friends is that I find that praying these special prayers for them also brings me peace and comfort. I think it's because when my friends are down, it hurts my heart as well. And it all ties back in with Matthew 11:28 - "Come to Me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."
Until I'm out of the woods, I will continue to pray fervently, trust wholeheartedly, and play this song on repeat in my head --
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Weekly Inspiration
I'm very aware of the fact that most people don't have the type of relationship I have with my neurologist. Mostly because most doctors aren't as open about themselves with their patients. They have a job to do - that job is to listen to the patient, treat the patient, and move on to the next patient.
But that approach just didn't work for my doctor and me. Yes, he listens to me and treats my conditions. But he doses out more than just prescriptions and medical advice. He throws in some humor, some spiritual guidance, some thought-provoking words of wisdom. He truly treats the whole person and not just the condition.
This has led to me having a "different" relationship with my doctor. I'm open with him. Open about my health, open about my life, open about what's on my mind. No question is a dumb question - whether it's a question about my stroke risk or a question about religion.
I know about his family. I've seen pictures of his family. Not because they're displayed in his office and I creeped on them, but because he took the time to show me and point out each person in his family.
We email. Yes, I have my doctor's email address. Sometimes the emails are about legit neurological things. Sometimes they're just checking in emails. Sometimes they're about random life questions or discoveries.
Well, I needed a letter from my doctor. I was all set to pick the letter up this week. But then life threw me a curve ball, and I had to cancel my appointment.
Knowing my doctor's secretary is on vacation this week (yes, we email as well and she keeps me up on when she and my doctor are going to be out of the office), I had planned to email my doctor about the letter. I didn't figure he knew about it since I'd only mentioned it to his secretary.
To my surprise, without having to say a word, that wonderful man wrote and mailed out my letter to me. For no charge.
So, off to email land I went to send him a huge ginormous thank you. Because he is so humble, he wrote me back like it was no big deal. And then he threw in some words of encouragement to help me get through this "curve ball."
My inspiration for the week, courtesy of Dr. S --
Stick with it, get plenty of rest, and avoid the fetal position. Ask God for help. Remember the words of FDR: "[You] have nothing to fear but fear itself!" Stay strong and rock this!
To this, I add Isaiah 41:10 - "Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."
PS I'm thinking I'm going to start trying to post weekly inspirations on Mondays. Mostly for myself. But who couldn't use a little weekly inspiration on a Monday?
But that approach just didn't work for my doctor and me. Yes, he listens to me and treats my conditions. But he doses out more than just prescriptions and medical advice. He throws in some humor, some spiritual guidance, some thought-provoking words of wisdom. He truly treats the whole person and not just the condition.
This has led to me having a "different" relationship with my doctor. I'm open with him. Open about my health, open about my life, open about what's on my mind. No question is a dumb question - whether it's a question about my stroke risk or a question about religion.
I know about his family. I've seen pictures of his family. Not because they're displayed in his office and I creeped on them, but because he took the time to show me and point out each person in his family.
We email. Yes, I have my doctor's email address. Sometimes the emails are about legit neurological things. Sometimes they're just checking in emails. Sometimes they're about random life questions or discoveries.
Well, I needed a letter from my doctor. I was all set to pick the letter up this week. But then life threw me a curve ball, and I had to cancel my appointment.
Knowing my doctor's secretary is on vacation this week (yes, we email as well and she keeps me up on when she and my doctor are going to be out of the office), I had planned to email my doctor about the letter. I didn't figure he knew about it since I'd only mentioned it to his secretary.
To my surprise, without having to say a word, that wonderful man wrote and mailed out my letter to me. For no charge.
So, off to email land I went to send him a huge ginormous thank you. Because he is so humble, he wrote me back like it was no big deal. And then he threw in some words of encouragement to help me get through this "curve ball."
My inspiration for the week, courtesy of Dr. S --
Stick with it, get plenty of rest, and avoid the fetal position. Ask God for help. Remember the words of FDR: "[You] have nothing to fear but fear itself!" Stay strong and rock this!
To this, I add Isaiah 41:10 - "Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."
PS I'm thinking I'm going to start trying to post weekly inspirations on Mondays. Mostly for myself. But who couldn't use a little weekly inspiration on a Monday?
Thursday, June 27, 2013
Social Experiment
I am not from the South.
However, I currently live in the South. To be more specific, the Deep South.
Because I'm not from here, I like to conduct random social experiments. I do it partially because I like to be reminded of how different life is where I'm from. And because it's just hilarious at times to see the major differences between life down South versus life above the Mason-Dixon line.
For the past few years, I've been conducting an ongoing (personal) social experiment.
People in the South love giving out compliments. I'm convinced they love giving them out just slightly more than they love receiving them.
Complimenting a Southerner is one thing. Complimenting a Southerner's child - that takes it to a whole new level!
People in the North willusually sometimes accept you complimenting them. If you compliment them on their child, look out! It's likely the last you'll see of that person is them running as fast as they can away from you.
Don't believe me? Here's a story --
I was up North visiting my family. Saw this super absolutely adorable child being pushed in a stroller by his mother. I quickly got my mother's attention so she could oogle over this absolutely adorable child with me. What did the absolutely adorable child's mother do as soon as she noticed us? She quickly turned her stroller in the opposite direction and did her best to avoid us.
I was down here in the Deep South. Went out to a social event. A mother walked in with her precious newborn still fresh with new baby smell. I commented on how precious and sweet and tiny and adorable her little one was. Then I asked how old. To my shock, she told me! And, because that wasn't enough, she stood there for a few more minutes letting me oogle over her precious little one. I saw her a few months later at another social event. Mind you, I didn't even know this woman's name. Turns out she was a friend of a friend. When my friend went to introduce us, the woman said, "I know you!! We met a few months ago! You commented on how new my baby was and how absolutely adorable he is!" Not kidding.
Another example. Went to the gym. My gym has a little daycare center for moms to drop their kids off at while they work out. As I was leaving, a woman was standing at the front desk with her two precious strawberry blonde headed children. I mean, I'll be honest and tell you that redheads are my weakness (seriously, like every guy I've ever dated had red in his hair). But those kids, oh my!! I'd of course seen this woman at the gym a few times, but we'd never talked more than a passing hello. Well, upon seeing her incredibly precious strawberry blonde headed children, I went into full Southern complimenting mode.
I mean, I was really going crazy over the preciousness of these children. (Remember, redheads are my weakness!) If this whole event happened up North, I can assure you that woman would have been running to a courthouse to take out a restraining order against me. But, down here in the Deep South? Totally different story!!
This woman enthusiastically thanked me for my "sweet compliments." And then she proceeded to talk to me about her life and ask me questions about mine. Basically, we became instant BFFs.
Moral of the story (aka social experiment) --
Enthusiastically compliment a random stranger up North, they will run in the opposite direction. If your compliment is incredibly enthusiastic (as mine often tend to be), they'll likely get a restraining order against you. Just kidding (not really).
Enthusiastically compliment a random stranger down South, be prepared to chat it up with them for the next 5 minutes. If your compliment is incredibly enthusiastic (see above), you'll likely become instant BFFs. Seriously. Not kidding.
However, I currently live in the South. To be more specific, the Deep South.
Because I'm not from here, I like to conduct random social experiments. I do it partially because I like to be reminded of how different life is where I'm from. And because it's just hilarious at times to see the major differences between life down South versus life above the Mason-Dixon line.
For the past few years, I've been conducting an ongoing (personal) social experiment.
People in the South love giving out compliments. I'm convinced they love giving them out just slightly more than they love receiving them.
Complimenting a Southerner is one thing. Complimenting a Southerner's child - that takes it to a whole new level!
People in the North will
Don't believe me? Here's a story --
I was up North visiting my family. Saw this super absolutely adorable child being pushed in a stroller by his mother. I quickly got my mother's attention so she could oogle over this absolutely adorable child with me. What did the absolutely adorable child's mother do as soon as she noticed us? She quickly turned her stroller in the opposite direction and did her best to avoid us.
I was down here in the Deep South. Went out to a social event. A mother walked in with her precious newborn still fresh with new baby smell. I commented on how precious and sweet and tiny and adorable her little one was. Then I asked how old. To my shock, she told me! And, because that wasn't enough, she stood there for a few more minutes letting me oogle over her precious little one. I saw her a few months later at another social event. Mind you, I didn't even know this woman's name. Turns out she was a friend of a friend. When my friend went to introduce us, the woman said, "I know you!! We met a few months ago! You commented on how new my baby was and how absolutely adorable he is!" Not kidding.
Another example. Went to the gym. My gym has a little daycare center for moms to drop their kids off at while they work out. As I was leaving, a woman was standing at the front desk with her two precious strawberry blonde headed children. I mean, I'll be honest and tell you that redheads are my weakness (seriously, like every guy I've ever dated had red in his hair). But those kids, oh my!! I'd of course seen this woman at the gym a few times, but we'd never talked more than a passing hello. Well, upon seeing her incredibly precious strawberry blonde headed children, I went into full Southern complimenting mode.
I mean, I was really going crazy over the preciousness of these children. (Remember, redheads are my weakness!) If this whole event happened up North, I can assure you that woman would have been running to a courthouse to take out a restraining order against me. But, down here in the Deep South? Totally different story!!
This woman enthusiastically thanked me for my "sweet compliments." And then she proceeded to talk to me about her life and ask me questions about mine. Basically, we became instant BFFs.
Moral of the story (aka social experiment) --
Enthusiastically compliment a random stranger up North, they will run in the opposite direction. If your compliment is incredibly enthusiastic (as mine often tend to be), they'll likely get a restraining order against you. Just kidding (not really).
Enthusiastically compliment a random stranger down South, be prepared to chat it up with them for the next 5 minutes. If your compliment is incredibly enthusiastic (see above), you'll likely become instant BFFs. Seriously. Not kidding.
Friday, June 14, 2013
Insomnia
Being an insomniac and being a migraineur isn't the greatest combo.
Separately, those two things aren't fun. Together - really not fun.
Well, about a month ago, I started studying for my licensing exam. Which means studying about 10 hours a day, every day. Which also means lots of stress.
Stress, migraines, and insomnia. Incredibly not fun.
After getting 2 hours of sleep max a night for like 3 weeks straight, I finally reached my breaking point. Physically and emotionally.
For some odd reason, I tend to have all my emotional breakdowns in my car. No clue why. It's just my place.
Well, Monday was meltdown Monday for me.
The stress, the exhaustion, the abuse I've been putting myself through, the frustration with self - it all came crashing down.
I ended up in my car, melting down, calling the doctor leaving some rambling message through tears begging for help. I'd probably be embarrassed about leaving a message where I'm in total hot mess mode, but for the fact that my doctor has seen me at my best and at my worst. So I allow myself to be okay with letting him see/hear me in hot mess mode. After all, allowing him to see that side of me really has helped with our relationship and treatment plan.
1 hour later, I was off to the pharmacy to get some sleeping pills courtesy of my wonderful doctor - because Benadryl, camomile tea, hot showers, working out, meditation, combo of all the above was not inducing sleep.
I've never been a good sleeper. But these pills have made me realize just how bad of a sleeper I am! I mean, I knew getting 2 hours of sleep a night was not good or normal. But I honestly don't think I ever experienced REM sleep till this week.
I've been in bed, asleep, before 1am every night. I'm usually up, wide awake, till 4am. Ok, let's be honest, more like 5am. So being asleep and staying asleep all night long is a totally new thing for me. And I'm totally loving it.
My doctor has always harped to me how important sleep is for my migraines. I always understood that. But I never truly understood it till this week. It's crazy how sleep really does help with the migraines!
Here's my only negative thought on sleeping pills -- for some reason, they take 2 hours to knock me out. But, after about an hour, my legs are asleep (figured that one out the hard way). My body is more eager to shut down than my mind, but isn't that how it often is?
Despite everyone warning me about the crazy side effects, the only thing "crazy" I've done thus far is flipped my pillow over in my sleep. I can most definitely handle that kind of crazy!
All in all, the pros outweigh the cons.
And, while stress isn't all that fun, it's far more bearable (and easier to handle) than stress + migraines + insomnia.
Saturday, June 1, 2013
Overcoming Vertigo
When I was first diagnosed with migraines, I was pretty quiet about it. Mostly because I was still trying to figure out what migraines were and what having migraines meant to me.
About a year after I was originally diagnosed, the migraines became far more frequent and intense. It was at that point where I was diagnosed as having chronic migraines. I went from having maybe one migraine a month to at least 3 a week.
The more frequent the migraines became, the more vocal I became about having migraines.
I did that for numerous reasons. The main one being I just wasn't able to do it all anymore. I needed help. And unless you tell people you need help, they don't know.
Becoming more comfortable with being vocal about migraines lead to two really neat things. One, I was able to be more vocal with my doctor. I could ask really incredibly honest and candid questions, questions that I may have previously googled to find an answer to. I was able to sit down with my doctor and be completely honest with him about my fear of having a stroke. And we had a really good, really lengthy conversation about my stroke risks, things that raised my risk, and things I could do to help decrease my risk.
The second really neat thing that happened was people started sharing their migraine stories with me. I learned about different symptoms others suffered from. Which helped shed some light on symptoms I had but didn't quite understand. It helped me realize that some of what I thought was me going crazy was just the migraines.
The other night, a friend of mine texted asking if I ever experienced vertigo with my migraines. When I told her I had, she asked me what I did for them.
Well, a few months ago, I was really struggling with vertigo. I knew it was because I was getting close to needing another round of Botox. But, it was miserable. Being single, working two jobs, and going to school, the vertigo was just too much. After a call to the doctor, I was told to start drinking Gatorade.
Ok, call me crazy, but I absolutely hate Gatorade. Hate it. I have yet to find a flavor that is somewhat bearable. Upon advice from my doctor's secretary, I bought the grape kind (which tastes nothing like any grape I've ever had). I also bought the low calorie kind knowing the vertigo was too much for me to go run on a treadmill to work off the amount of calories in a normal Gatorade. I also bought the kind that was high in electrolytes and high in carbs (which also happened to be the kosher kind).
I quickly learned that sipping on the Gatorade was no way to help the vertigo. I had to actually drink a fair amount of the stuff. And the only way I could somewhat stand to do that was to make sure it was super super cold.
So, I passed this advice on over to my friend. She then told me something that most people wouldn't find nearly as sweet as I did. She said, "When my doctor isn't available, you're my next contact."
I often forget how lucky I am to have the doctor I have. If I call his office, I usually get a call back with an answer in about an hour. If I know my doctor's secretary is out of town, I have his email address. Very rarely am I left to suffer wondering what to do.
I'm so grateful that I have formed the personal relationship with my doctor that I have. Because, if nothing else, it has really helped me to not fear the migraines, to not fear talking about migraines, and to be comfortable enough to share my migraine story with others - especially in their time of need.
About a year after I was originally diagnosed, the migraines became far more frequent and intense. It was at that point where I was diagnosed as having chronic migraines. I went from having maybe one migraine a month to at least 3 a week.
The more frequent the migraines became, the more vocal I became about having migraines.
I did that for numerous reasons. The main one being I just wasn't able to do it all anymore. I needed help. And unless you tell people you need help, they don't know.
Becoming more comfortable with being vocal about migraines lead to two really neat things. One, I was able to be more vocal with my doctor. I could ask really incredibly honest and candid questions, questions that I may have previously googled to find an answer to. I was able to sit down with my doctor and be completely honest with him about my fear of having a stroke. And we had a really good, really lengthy conversation about my stroke risks, things that raised my risk, and things I could do to help decrease my risk.
The second really neat thing that happened was people started sharing their migraine stories with me. I learned about different symptoms others suffered from. Which helped shed some light on symptoms I had but didn't quite understand. It helped me realize that some of what I thought was me going crazy was just the migraines.
The other night, a friend of mine texted asking if I ever experienced vertigo with my migraines. When I told her I had, she asked me what I did for them.
Well, a few months ago, I was really struggling with vertigo. I knew it was because I was getting close to needing another round of Botox. But, it was miserable. Being single, working two jobs, and going to school, the vertigo was just too much. After a call to the doctor, I was told to start drinking Gatorade.
Ok, call me crazy, but I absolutely hate Gatorade. Hate it. I have yet to find a flavor that is somewhat bearable. Upon advice from my doctor's secretary, I bought the grape kind (which tastes nothing like any grape I've ever had). I also bought the low calorie kind knowing the vertigo was too much for me to go run on a treadmill to work off the amount of calories in a normal Gatorade. I also bought the kind that was high in electrolytes and high in carbs (which also happened to be the kosher kind).
I quickly learned that sipping on the Gatorade was no way to help the vertigo. I had to actually drink a fair amount of the stuff. And the only way I could somewhat stand to do that was to make sure it was super super cold.
So, I passed this advice on over to my friend. She then told me something that most people wouldn't find nearly as sweet as I did. She said, "When my doctor isn't available, you're my next contact."
I often forget how lucky I am to have the doctor I have. If I call his office, I usually get a call back with an answer in about an hour. If I know my doctor's secretary is out of town, I have his email address. Very rarely am I left to suffer wondering what to do.
I'm so grateful that I have formed the personal relationship with my doctor that I have. Because, if nothing else, it has really helped me to not fear the migraines, to not fear talking about migraines, and to be comfortable enough to share my migraine story with others - especially in their time of need.
Friday, May 17, 2013
Isolation Cycle
I haven't been the best blogger.
I think part of the reason I'm not a great committed blogger is because, somewhere, I got the idea that I should only post when I have something encouraging and uplifting to say.
Yes, it is great to see that people with chronic migraines can live life. But, no one lives an absolutely perfect life. Life is full of ups and downs. Why should living the chronic migraine life be any different?
I've been having a down day. Correction. I've been having a down week.
Migraines can be/are very isolating. Because of the pain, the sensitivity to light/sound/smells, migraineurs often spend a lot of time alone.
Having a lot of alone time usually means you don't have the most amazing social life. Because unless your friends suffer from migraines, they don't truly get it.
I know I spend too much time alone. Even when I'm not having a bad migraine day, I usually prefer to be home alone. I guess it's just become my "comfort zone."
I often find myself getting frustrated with myself. I know I shouldn't be spending this much time alone. But I am. I know I make excuses to spend time alone. I'm probably the most awkward person I know, particularly when it comes to social settings. So, if I can find a way out of having to put myself in a social situation - especially one where I know I'll be forced to put myself out there and (heaven forbid) actually have to talk to people I don't know - I'll find that way out.
It's become a cycle. This continuous cycle that I don't know how to break. Because every time I try to break it, I find myself coming back to it. After all, it is my comfort zone...
I think part of the reason I'm not a great committed blogger is because, somewhere, I got the idea that I should only post when I have something encouraging and uplifting to say.
Yes, it is great to see that people with chronic migraines can live life. But, no one lives an absolutely perfect life. Life is full of ups and downs. Why should living the chronic migraine life be any different?
I've been having a down day. Correction. I've been having a down week.
Migraines can be/are very isolating. Because of the pain, the sensitivity to light/sound/smells, migraineurs often spend a lot of time alone.
Having a lot of alone time usually means you don't have the most amazing social life. Because unless your friends suffer from migraines, they don't truly get it.
I know I spend too much time alone. Even when I'm not having a bad migraine day, I usually prefer to be home alone. I guess it's just become my "comfort zone."
I often find myself getting frustrated with myself. I know I shouldn't be spending this much time alone. But I am. I know I make excuses to spend time alone. I'm probably the most awkward person I know, particularly when it comes to social settings. So, if I can find a way out of having to put myself in a social situation - especially one where I know I'll be forced to put myself out there and (heaven forbid) actually have to talk to people I don't know - I'll find that way out.
It's become a cycle. This continuous cycle that I don't know how to break. Because every time I try to break it, I find myself coming back to it. After all, it is my comfort zone...
Monday, April 22, 2013
Thoughts on Botox
I'm a chronic migraine sufferer. As if the title of my blog didn't give that away.
So, what does that mean?
It means that everyday brings its own physical struggles. Some days, it's nausea. Some days, it's dizziness (vertigo). Some days, it's seeing random non-existent objects (usually some type of a bug). Some days, it's feeling like my nerves are on fire. Some days, it's pounding head pain. Some days, it's a combination of all the above.
I do not take daily preventative medication. [Insert shock here.]
I tried preventatives. They didn't work. They actually made the migraines worse. And they brought a lot of other ugly side-effects into my life.
But not taking preventatives caused me to max out on my abortives. Which led to me taking a ton of steroids. And prescription pain pills. All so I could just get out of bed. And when I couldn't, off to the hospital for a 3-4 day stay I went.
I told my doctor I couldn't do it anymore.
So, he told me out about Botox injections. Yes, Botox. That stuff that rich women inject into their faces to get rid of their wrinkles. Well, that toxin is known to do amazing things for migraineurs.
In July 2011, I got my first taste of Botox for migraines. My doctor's secretary told me it was just 7 shots. I don't do shots well. Scratch that. I don't do needles well. But, I told myself I could handle 7. After all, I could count them off on my hands!
After waiting in the office for 2 hours (and getting sick in the bathroom numerous times), I was finally called back. And then my doctor dropped the bomb. It's not 7 shots. It's 31. 31. [Insert me having a meltdown in the doctor's office, in front of my doctor, here.] I literally cried through the entire procedure. Balled my eyes out. And, it took about an hour total to get it done. Halfway through, my doctor told me I was brave. As if him saying that would make me feel so much better about him giving me 31 shots in the head. (It didn't, in case you were wondering.)
Since then, I've had it done 6 more times. And, I haven't cried once! But it still sucks. So, here's what no one told me about getting 31 injections into your head. (Okay, in all fairness to me, I googled it prior to getting it done and nothing came up because it had just recently been approved by the FDA for migraine treatment.)
1. The procedure takes about 15-30 minutes. It all depends on your doctor, their familiarity with the procedure, and whether or not you're crying so hard that the doctor gives you breaks to breathe so you don't pass out on him.
2. It is considered in-office surgery. So, if anyone ever tries to tell you to suck it up, it's no biggie, kindly inform them that insurance would beg to differ as it treats it quite differently than an office visit.
3. I've been getting the injections for nearly 2 years. I'm still not used to the fact that I cannot move my eyebrows. Like at all. I try. Nothing happens. I always ask my esthetician to wax my brow with an arch in it since I can't move them to show expression. That way, it doesn't look like I'm angry 24/7. I'm sure I'll be a sight to see when I'm 80 - a wrinkled prune from nose down, and straight wrinkle-free skin from eyes up.
4. You can tell when the Botox is being injected. Because it burns. Not like it's on fire burns. But definitely a stronger sensation than a sting.
5. It takes 2 weeks for the injections to fully kick in. But you will feel some immediate changes. The biggest being that your skin will feel tight. It's as if someone has pulled your skin as tightly as they can across your face. I always want to rub my head after I get them done to loosen up my skin. But, I never do because nothing good would come from that.
6. You will have little needle marks on your forehead for a day or two following. But, unless you're looking for them, they aren't noticeable.
7. I always leave the office with at least one visible bruise. Granted, I bruise easily. It's almost to the point where when something happens, I can say with almost certainty that it'll bruise. And it usually does. This last time, my doctor asked me what I do about the bruises - cover them with makeup, part my hair differently, hide my face from the world. Here's the honest answer (which I gave him) - I sport them proudly. And, when people ask, I tell them my doctor did it. Which is usually followed by the story that I get injections in my head, and it's from one of the injections.
8. I take the day off from life the day I get the injections. Here's why. My doctor only does them on Fridays. And, my appointment is usually around 10am. I don't see the point of going into work for only an hour, especially on a Friday. Once I get them, I'm exhausted. As in I usually crash an hour or so afterwards exhausted. Sleeping also helps my body relax, which helps me to not experience all the weird sensations your nerves/muscles go through as the Botox kicks in. If I don't allow myself to have this downtime, I get a killer awful migraine. It's a must for me.
9. For all my loved ones, I've added my ninth tip. Others don't like watching the procedure. Apparently, it makes them super uncomfortable, nauseous, grateful they aren't the ones getting the 31 injections. I've taken family/friends with me to distract me, comfort me, and (mostly) so they could visually experience it to understand the lengths I'm going to for relief. Now, I go alone because family/friends can't watch it. My doctor is usually pretty good about striking up some kind of non-injection related conversation with me. But, I'm also not afraid to change the topic when he starts talking about the details of the procedure.
10. It's all mind over matter. Yes, it sucks. No, it isn't fun. But, if getting 31 shots in my head means I'll have the strength to get out of bed and actually function on a daily basis, 31 shots it is.
So, there are my top 10 thoughts on Botox - things I wish I would have known and that have taken me almost 2 years to learn.
If you have any other tips to add, please do so! If you have any questions about the procedure (or days following), please ask!
PS I usually refer to the procedure as my shots. Because I hate having to explain to people why, at my age, I get Botox (and that insurance covers for me to be wrinkle-free).
So, what does that mean?
It means that everyday brings its own physical struggles. Some days, it's nausea. Some days, it's dizziness (vertigo). Some days, it's seeing random non-existent objects (usually some type of a bug). Some days, it's feeling like my nerves are on fire. Some days, it's pounding head pain. Some days, it's a combination of all the above.
I do not take daily preventative medication. [Insert shock here.]
I tried preventatives. They didn't work. They actually made the migraines worse. And they brought a lot of other ugly side-effects into my life.
But not taking preventatives caused me to max out on my abortives. Which led to me taking a ton of steroids. And prescription pain pills. All so I could just get out of bed. And when I couldn't, off to the hospital for a 3-4 day stay I went.
I told my doctor I couldn't do it anymore.
So, he told me out about Botox injections. Yes, Botox. That stuff that rich women inject into their faces to get rid of their wrinkles. Well, that toxin is known to do amazing things for migraineurs.
In July 2011, I got my first taste of Botox for migraines. My doctor's secretary told me it was just 7 shots. I don't do shots well. Scratch that. I don't do needles well. But, I told myself I could handle 7. After all, I could count them off on my hands!
After waiting in the office for 2 hours (and getting sick in the bathroom numerous times), I was finally called back. And then my doctor dropped the bomb. It's not 7 shots. It's 31. 31. [Insert me having a meltdown in the doctor's office, in front of my doctor, here.] I literally cried through the entire procedure. Balled my eyes out. And, it took about an hour total to get it done. Halfway through, my doctor told me I was brave. As if him saying that would make me feel so much better about him giving me 31 shots in the head. (It didn't, in case you were wondering.)
Since then, I've had it done 6 more times. And, I haven't cried once! But it still sucks. So, here's what no one told me about getting 31 injections into your head. (Okay, in all fairness to me, I googled it prior to getting it done and nothing came up because it had just recently been approved by the FDA for migraine treatment.)
1. The procedure takes about 15-30 minutes. It all depends on your doctor, their familiarity with the procedure, and whether or not you're crying so hard that the doctor gives you breaks to breathe so you don't pass out on him.
2. It is considered in-office surgery. So, if anyone ever tries to tell you to suck it up, it's no biggie, kindly inform them that insurance would beg to differ as it treats it quite differently than an office visit.
3. I've been getting the injections for nearly 2 years. I'm still not used to the fact that I cannot move my eyebrows. Like at all. I try. Nothing happens. I always ask my esthetician to wax my brow with an arch in it since I can't move them to show expression. That way, it doesn't look like I'm angry 24/7. I'm sure I'll be a sight to see when I'm 80 - a wrinkled prune from nose down, and straight wrinkle-free skin from eyes up.
4. You can tell when the Botox is being injected. Because it burns. Not like it's on fire burns. But definitely a stronger sensation than a sting.
5. It takes 2 weeks for the injections to fully kick in. But you will feel some immediate changes. The biggest being that your skin will feel tight. It's as if someone has pulled your skin as tightly as they can across your face. I always want to rub my head after I get them done to loosen up my skin. But, I never do because nothing good would come from that.
6. You will have little needle marks on your forehead for a day or two following. But, unless you're looking for them, they aren't noticeable.
7. I always leave the office with at least one visible bruise. Granted, I bruise easily. It's almost to the point where when something happens, I can say with almost certainty that it'll bruise. And it usually does. This last time, my doctor asked me what I do about the bruises - cover them with makeup, part my hair differently, hide my face from the world. Here's the honest answer (which I gave him) - I sport them proudly. And, when people ask, I tell them my doctor did it. Which is usually followed by the story that I get injections in my head, and it's from one of the injections.
8. I take the day off from life the day I get the injections. Here's why. My doctor only does them on Fridays. And, my appointment is usually around 10am. I don't see the point of going into work for only an hour, especially on a Friday. Once I get them, I'm exhausted. As in I usually crash an hour or so afterwards exhausted. Sleeping also helps my body relax, which helps me to not experience all the weird sensations your nerves/muscles go through as the Botox kicks in. If I don't allow myself to have this downtime, I get a killer awful migraine. It's a must for me.
9. For all my loved ones, I've added my ninth tip. Others don't like watching the procedure. Apparently, it makes them super uncomfortable, nauseous, grateful they aren't the ones getting the 31 injections. I've taken family/friends with me to distract me, comfort me, and (mostly) so they could visually experience it to understand the lengths I'm going to for relief. Now, I go alone because family/friends can't watch it. My doctor is usually pretty good about striking up some kind of non-injection related conversation with me. But, I'm also not afraid to change the topic when he starts talking about the details of the procedure.
10. It's all mind over matter. Yes, it sucks. No, it isn't fun. But, if getting 31 shots in my head means I'll have the strength to get out of bed and actually function on a daily basis, 31 shots it is.
So, there are my top 10 thoughts on Botox - things I wish I would have known and that have taken me almost 2 years to learn.
If you have any other tips to add, please do so! If you have any questions about the procedure (or days following), please ask!
PS I usually refer to the procedure as my shots. Because I hate having to explain to people why, at my age, I get Botox (and that insurance covers for me to be wrinkle-free).
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Goal #4
I've seriously been neglecting this blog.
Here's why --
A lot of stuff has happened to me personally here lately. Stuff that has caused me to really seriously doubt my faith in humanity. Before you let your mind wander and think I'm referring to stuff going on in the news/media, I'm not.
I remember the day I officially came clean about this. After I announced my feelings out loud, I felt like humanity felt the need to prove to me that I shouldn't have faith in it. Repeatedly.
Here I am, 2 weeks later.
This weekend, I had a really powerful heart-to-heart with a very dear friend. She said something to me that I'm throwing out in this blog world so that I won't forget it. And because it's going on my list of goals for this journey (the reason why I started this blog).
This is what she said: "Focus on yourself. Cut out the people who are sucking the joy out of your life."
I'm sure many people read that and think how absolutely cruel and harsh that is. But, I read that and think how right she is!
I've let people into my life who treat me like trash. They come around when they need something, when it's convenient for them. But when I need a friend, they're always too busy. Or, if they happen to be available, they come around to say hurtful things to me that only tear me down further.
So, this is the real sucky part of the journey. The time where you find out who your true friends are and let yourself be okay with letting the others go. The time where I find out who my true friends are. The time where I allow myself to let go of those that only suck out my joy. Not only give myself permission to do so, but to truly be okay with it.
It's the time to allow myself to experience joy - pure, unadulterated joy...
Here's why --
A lot of stuff has happened to me personally here lately. Stuff that has caused me to really seriously doubt my faith in humanity. Before you let your mind wander and think I'm referring to stuff going on in the news/media, I'm not.
I remember the day I officially came clean about this. After I announced my feelings out loud, I felt like humanity felt the need to prove to me that I shouldn't have faith in it. Repeatedly.
Here I am, 2 weeks later.
This weekend, I had a really powerful heart-to-heart with a very dear friend. She said something to me that I'm throwing out in this blog world so that I won't forget it. And because it's going on my list of goals for this journey (the reason why I started this blog).
This is what she said: "Focus on yourself. Cut out the people who are sucking the joy out of your life."
I'm sure many people read that and think how absolutely cruel and harsh that is. But, I read that and think how right she is!
I've let people into my life who treat me like trash. They come around when they need something, when it's convenient for them. But when I need a friend, they're always too busy. Or, if they happen to be available, they come around to say hurtful things to me that only tear me down further.
So, this is the real sucky part of the journey. The time where you find out who your true friends are and let yourself be okay with letting the others go. The time where I find out who my true friends are. The time where I allow myself to let go of those that only suck out my joy. Not only give myself permission to do so, but to truly be okay with it.
It's the time to allow myself to experience joy - pure, unadulterated joy...
Monday, February 18, 2013
Everything will be alright...
It's the wee hours of the morning.
I know this because the birds outside my window have started their morning chirps.
I'm curled up in bed with blankets and pillows.
My comforter is still in the dryer, where it's been for the past 2 days.
I've been fighting the flu for the past week. Laziness has most definitely been the theme of the past week plus of my life.
Not only am I curled under blankets, but the blankets consist of my living room blanket and a flat sheet I pulled out of the dryer (right before I threw the comforter in). While I've got sheets on my bed, the flat sheet I'm curled up under isn't the sheet on the bed. It's just some random flat sheet. That doesn't match. But is oh so warm and comfy.
Today, I will go back out into the world.
Today, I will put on real clothes rather than just sweats and/or pjs.
Today, I will no longer use the excuse that I'm sick with the flu - mostly because I'm over the flu.
Today, I may have to fake happiness to get through the day. But I will get through today. I will.
And, as if there aren't enough ironies in my life - my Pandora just started playing "The Middle" by Jimmy Eat World.
I'm not quite sure where I am right now. I know I've got a lot of struggles going on internally. I'm not sure I know how and/or am ready to verbalize those struggles yet. I've been up all night long. As in I haven't slept one minute since the sun set to the sun now rising. My mind is racing, there's so much going on, yet I can't vocalize it. At least, not yet.
So, to sum it up in the words of Jimmy Eat World --
It just takes some time, little girl
You're in the middle of the ride
Everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be alright.
I know this because the birds outside my window have started their morning chirps.
I'm curled up in bed with blankets and pillows.
My comforter is still in the dryer, where it's been for the past 2 days.
I've been fighting the flu for the past week. Laziness has most definitely been the theme of the past week plus of my life.
Not only am I curled under blankets, but the blankets consist of my living room blanket and a flat sheet I pulled out of the dryer (right before I threw the comforter in). While I've got sheets on my bed, the flat sheet I'm curled up under isn't the sheet on the bed. It's just some random flat sheet. That doesn't match. But is oh so warm and comfy.
Today, I will go back out into the world.
Today, I will put on real clothes rather than just sweats and/or pjs.
Today, I will no longer use the excuse that I'm sick with the flu - mostly because I'm over the flu.
Today, I may have to fake happiness to get through the day. But I will get through today. I will.
And, as if there aren't enough ironies in my life - my Pandora just started playing "The Middle" by Jimmy Eat World.
I'm not quite sure where I am right now. I know I've got a lot of struggles going on internally. I'm not sure I know how and/or am ready to verbalize those struggles yet. I've been up all night long. As in I haven't slept one minute since the sun set to the sun now rising. My mind is racing, there's so much going on, yet I can't vocalize it. At least, not yet.
So, to sum it up in the words of Jimmy Eat World --
It just takes some time, little girl
You're in the middle of the ride
Everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be alright.
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Watch Your Walls!
While browsing the internet the other night, I came across this amazing photo.
It's almost as if it were made for me.
This photo pretty much sums up what got me started on this journey.
So, I share it now with you all.
Hopefully, it'll be a reminder to you (as it is to me) that there is FAR more to us than what the world may see and try to define us as - and the things the world tells us that we feel as though we must accept.
Remember: you are more than a diagnosis. Don't let a small aspect of your life define your life.
PS If I could remember where this photo came from, I would totally give the photo credit. My apologizes to wherever it came from!
Friday, January 4, 2013
Sometimes, migraines just suck...
Sometimes, all the positivity and love in the world won't fight off a migraine.
Sometimes, you just have to give in to the pain.
Sometimes, enough is enough.
It's these times where I remind myself that asking for help doesn't make me weak.
It's these times where I remind myself that taking medication doesn't mean I'm giving up.
It's these times where I realize how blessed I am.
Blessed to have the doctor I do who listens and is willing to help.
Blessed to have friends who will run to the pharmacy to get the meds for me.
Blessed to have family who remind me that my migraines don't define me.
Blessed to have had these migraines enough to recognize the signs of when my crazy migraine side is coming out.
Blessed.
So, even though migraines just suck sometimes, they also provide a great opportunity for me to realize just how truly blessed I am.
Sometimes, you just have to give in to the pain.
Sometimes, enough is enough.
It's these times where I remind myself that asking for help doesn't make me weak.
It's these times where I remind myself that taking medication doesn't mean I'm giving up.
It's these times where I realize how blessed I am.
Blessed to have the doctor I do who listens and is willing to help.
Blessed to have friends who will run to the pharmacy to get the meds for me.
Blessed to have family who remind me that my migraines don't define me.
Blessed to have had these migraines enough to recognize the signs of when my crazy migraine side is coming out.
Blessed.
So, even though migraines just suck sometimes, they also provide a great opportunity for me to realize just how truly blessed I am.
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