Pep Talks and Goal #5

My life this past month has been one pep talk after another.

Most are self-given.  Yes, I give myself daily pep talks.  Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do.

But, lately, I've been blessed to have someone come into my life who is fantastically amazing at giving pep talks.

So, here's the thing...

Throughout these past few months, with my life twist-turned upside down, I've had the unfortunate pleasure of figuring out - the hardest way ever - who my true friends are.  People I thought were my friends suddenly fell off the face of the earth when the realized I couldn't drop everything and do for them whenever they needed it.  It's been heartbreaking, to say the least.  To know you've invested so much time, energy, and love into someone.  And to have it all mean nothing in the end.  Heartbreaking is honestly the only word I can find to describe what it's been like.  Which, ironically, goes back to Goal #4.

But, one day, I decided I was going to go outside and get a little Vitamin C - mostly in the hopes that the sunshine would help cheer me up, allow me to relax, and melt away (ok, more like sweat away) all the heartache I'd been enduring.

Well, in this quest, I met someone.  Someone who has become a very dear friend to me (although I'm not sure they realize just how dear they are).  Each day, they hit me with a pep talk.

Today's was, as simple and obvious as it was, quite profound.  And so I'm sharing it...

"I think you're going to do great and you will look back on this and feel like you wasted so much energy worrying.  Chin up and eye on the prize.  I have faith in you.  P.S. Try to get some sleep"

How true!  The one thing standing in my way is worry (and lack of sleep - but that's a blog topic for another day).  Each day, I stare at Matthew 11:28-30, a scripture I've posted in my home.

Matthew 11:28-30 says, "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gently and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light."

I've been so consumed with worry.  Worried about my current life events and state.  Worried about these friendships that I've come to realize never really were.  Worried about making it through the day.  Worried about meeting the expectations and needs of others.  Worried about the future and what it holds.  Worried.  And, as much as I've been praying, I haven't been praying to God about the worry.  I've asked for comfort, I've asked for peace.  But I've never talked to Him about the worry.  I've never truly given it to Him.

How can I expect to achieve the true and ultimate prize - eternity in Heaven with my Maker and Savior - unless I give it all over?

Which leads me to setting my 5th goal for this journey...

Goal #5: let go of the pain, hurt, heartache, and worry.  Give it all to God so that you may obtain true rest.

Panic Attacks

Around the time my migraines went from being occasional to chronic and severe, I started experiencing panic attacks.

I tried taking daily medication to help control them, but it left me feeling numb and sent my depression in a crazy downward spiral.

So, I resorted to learning how to cope with them naturally.

Which worked wonders.

That is, until I started down this path that has really got my life turned upside down.

Doctor gave me some Xanax to help deal with the attacks when they come.  Which works great.  That is, if you catch the attack early enough to take the meds before it escalates into extreme panic attack.

Extreme panic attack happened this morning.  Worst one I've ever had.  And I was alone.  No one around.  No one to talk to and get my mind off it.  Alone.

I knew I couldn't call my family because they were all either at work or out of town.  I knew I couldn't call my close friends because they were also at work or unavailable.

So, I called the one person I knew would answer and help me - Dr. S.

In between quick shallow breaths with tears streaming down my face and focusing all my might on not throwing up, I was able to say the following: "Hey...I...am having...a panic...attack... Took a...Xanax, but...it hasn't kicked...in yet... Please...help..."

Before I could say any more, I was being ordered to lie down, close my eyes, take deep breaths.  And in a calming voice, I was hearing, "Deep breath in.  And blow it out.  Deep breath in.  And blow it out.  You're doing good!  Keep it up!! Deep breath in..."

The conversation ended with, "You know what's the best part about this?? No copay!!"

And this, my friends, is why I will drive halfway across the country, if need be, to continue having Dr. S as my doctor.  I don't know many doctors who would do what was done for me today.  And for that, I am incredibly grateful.

Prayer

I've somewhat alluded to the fact that I've got a lot of stuff on my plate currently.

While I really don't want to deal with what I am, I must admit that it is my fault.  I have chosen this path, and with that choice comes this hard time.  And when I get real down and crabby, I catch myself reminding myself that this is self-inflicted.  I have no one to blame but me.

But that's quickly followed up with reminding myself that I'm not in this alone.  I've got God on my side.  As Dr. S reminded me, I have to ask Him for help.  And then I must let go and trust Him.  Because Psalm 3:5 commands me to do so: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths."

Well, I've got a friend that's also in the same boat as I am currently.  She texted me today expressing how she was having a rough day.  I tried offering her some of my tips/tricks that are helping me muddle through the hurdles we come to.  But, she was still discouraged.

So, I sat down and did something for her that I love doing for my friends.  When I don't know what to say, I pray.  And when I don't know the right words to say to uplift my friends, I type out special prayers for them that I've prayed to God.  Personally, I think it's one thing for someone to tell you that they're praying for you.  But it has a far greater impact when you get the chance to hear/see that prayer.  Plus, I love having something to come back to and read when I am down and need the strength and encouragement (hence blogging).

The thing about writing out prayers for my friends is that I find that praying these special prayers for them also brings me peace and comfort.  I think it's because when my friends are down, it hurts my heart as well.  And it all ties back in with Matthew 11:28 - "Come to Me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."

Until I'm out of the woods, I will continue to pray fervently, trust wholeheartedly, and play this song on repeat in my head --

Weekly Inspiration

I'm very aware of the fact that most people don't have the type of relationship I have with my neurologist.  Mostly because most doctors aren't as open about themselves with their patients.  They have a job to do - that job is to listen to the patient, treat the patient, and move on to the next patient.

But that approach just didn't work for my doctor and me.  Yes, he listens to me and treats my conditions.  But he doses out more than just prescriptions and medical advice.  He throws in some humor, some spiritual guidance, some thought-provoking words of wisdom.  He truly treats the whole person and not just the condition.

This has led to me having a "different" relationship with my doctor.  I'm open with him.  Open about my health, open about my life, open about what's on my mind.  No question is a dumb question - whether it's a question about my stroke risk or a question about religion.

I know about his family.  I've seen pictures of his family.  Not because they're displayed in his office and I creeped on them, but because he took the time to show me and point out each person in his family.

We email.  Yes, I have my doctor's email address.  Sometimes the emails are about legit neurological things. Sometimes they're just checking in emails.  Sometimes they're about random life questions or discoveries.

Well, I needed a letter from my doctor.  I was all set to pick the letter up this week.  But then life threw me a curve ball, and I had to cancel my appointment.

Knowing my doctor's secretary is on vacation this week (yes, we email as well and she keeps me up on when she and my doctor are going to be out of the office), I had planned to email my doctor about the letter.  I didn't figure he knew about it since I'd only mentioned it to his secretary.

To my surprise, without having to say a word, that wonderful man wrote and mailed out my letter to me.  For no charge.

So, off to email land I went to send him a huge ginormous thank you.  Because he is so humble, he wrote me back like it was no big deal.  And then he threw in some words of encouragement to help me get through this "curve ball."

My inspiration for the week, courtesy of Dr. S --
Stick with it, get plenty of rest, and avoid the fetal position.  Ask God for help.  Remember the words of FDR: "[You] have nothing to fear but fear itself!"  Stay strong and rock this!

To this, I add Isaiah 41:10 - "Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."

PS I'm thinking I'm going to start trying to post weekly inspirations on Mondays.  Mostly for myself.  But who couldn't use a little weekly inspiration on a Monday?