For This is Right

For the past few years, my family has been dealing with a lot of ugliness.  I remember once,  I told my dad that I felt so close to God, the closest I had ever felt in my life.  His response: "That's precisely when the devil tries to interfere and tear you away from God."

Well, the devil sure has been trying to shove his way into my family.  And, my family continues to amaze me with their faith in God.  Their unwavering faith builds up my faith.

The other week, we studied the topic of love in Bible class.  The topic centered mostly around the love a parent has for their child.  Even though I'm not a parent, I am a child.  I got to thinking about how this earthly parent-child relationship is comparable to God's love for and relationship with us, His children.  Just like our earthly parents want the best for us, so does God.  And, just as our earthly parents have instructed us, so has God.  Most importantly, just as our earthly parents love us, God loves us - He loves us so much that He sacrificed His only son for us that we may have the hope of spending eternity in heaven with Him.

During the course of this Bible class study, I really noticed Ephesians 6:1 for the first time.  "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right."

That last phrase really hit me - this is right.  It reminds me a lot of a phrase I often heard growing up, "Because I said so."  There was never further explanation because no further explanation was needed.  Your parents told you to clean your room, you were to do it.  Why?  Because that's what obedience is all about.

(Image courtesy of Google Images)

Here's the definition of obedience: compliance with an order, request, or law, or submission to another's authority.  You did as your parents instructed you because they had authority over you.

Well, God is our Father.  He has authority over us.  And yet, we so often want to tell God that we know better than He does.  We so often like telling God, our Creator, that we're smarter than Him.  He knows us better than we know ourselves (He knows what every inch of your body looks like, He knows every thought you have, He even knows the number of hairs on your head).  But we have somehow managed to convince ourselves that we know more than Him.

So many today have decided that they don't want to obey God.  Despite Him commanding us to do as He instructs. Despite Him telling us that obeying Him is what is right.  Period.

My dad said something to me today that really hit me.  I love it so much, that it's going to become goal #7 for this journey.

None of us are perfect; however, all of us must seek perfection in Christ.

I John 2:3-6 says the following: Now by this we know that we know Him, if we keep His commandments.  He who says, "I know Him," and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him.  But whoever keeps His word, truly the love of God is perfected in him.  By this we know that we are in Him. He who says he abides in Him ought himself also to walk just as He walked.

Seeking perfection in Christ requires doing as He commands - because this is right.  It requires doing all that God commands of us, not just what we feel like doing, what parts of his commands we like, what is convenient for us, or what currently fits in with our lifestyle.  That is NOT obedience.

It is one thing to say we love God.  It is another to show our love for God by obeying all of His commands.

For we can only be perfected if we keep His word, not our word.

Seek perfection in Christ, for this is right!

The Single Life Facade

A while back, I remember reading a lot of blog posts by busy bloggers (most of them were moms).  They would post a picture that made their life seem perfect and ideal.  And then they'd post about what you don't see in that picture - which would include a detailed discussion of the mess that didn't make it into the photo frame, the tantrums that were thrown earlier in the day, the worries and tears shed by the parents over how to afford Christmas presents this year, etc.

Long story short, these were posts about how deceptively deceiving our lives as we choose to share with others can be.

Believe it or not, but the same applies for us singletons.  We may post photos of us out on a weeknight with our friends having fun.  We may brag on Facebook about how much fun we had on our last-minute weekend getaway.  But our lives aren't perfect either.  They, too, are deceptively deceiving.

In case you missed this announcement - I'm single.  I am the chef, housekeeper, grocery shopper, income provider, bill payer for my household.  I do it all.  Sounds empowering, right?  Kinda like, "I am woman, hear me roar!"

Well, here's the reality.  Here's what you don't see on my Facebook --

• I fall asleep on my couch watching tv more nights than I honestly care to admit.  There's just no incentive to leave the couch for a cold bed.
• I don't sleep at night because I can't.  My mind is racing over how I'm going to pay the bills, do laundry, find time to grocery shop, what to cook with the limited food I have in my pantry, etc.  And when I am able to sleep, I am awoken by a panic attack.
• I work out daily because it's one of the few things I know I can rely on. It's the one place where I can be reminded that although the rest of my life is a hot mess, I can still spin just as fast as the SAHMs or lift the same amount of weight I could lift last week (if not a bit more).
• My house isn't decorated for Christmas because I don't see the point. Nor do I have the time or energy for it.
• You know that amazing dinner I cooked the other night - which was the first time I've actually cooked dinner in months?  Yeah, I'm still eating that dinner...3 days later.
• Yes, I went out shopping on a weeknight with friends till 8pm.  But what you didn't see is how that night was spent watching them shop for their boyfriends.
• My loan repayment is due today, Friday the 13th.  Because that is my luck. And it's also something you definitely won't see me bragging on Facebook about!

Moral of the story -- the grass isn't always greener on the other side.  My life is not exponentially easier, carefree, or more fun because I'm single.  So don't let the singlehood facade confuse you.  Because it's just that - a facade.

Rather than be jealous of what others choose to share via Facebook/Instagram/Twitter/Blogger, embrace the life God has blessed you with because He has a plan for you, a plan far greater than you can imagine. (Self, take note!)

Pretty sure I just established goal #6 for my journey...

Oy vey!

I have thoroughly neglected this blog these past few months!  And what a terrible time I did, as I totally left you all with a huge cliff hanger.

Well, I got my injections, was told by Dr. S to give it a week and see if life got better, and to my shock and awe, life chronic-migraine-wise did get better!  Which meant no hospitalization (this time around)!  Wohoo!!

Which means I still owe you all a post on migraine hospitalization.  Will you allow me to raincheck it just this once?  I'm just not really feeling in a hospitalization discussion mood.  But I promise I will make a post (just not today)!!

Reasons why I've neglected this blog these past few months --

1. I don't know that I ever made it public, but I was busy studying this summer for my licensing exam.  An incredibly grueling process for an incredibly difficult exam.  Well, I took the exam at the end of the summer.  Afterwards, I spent a lot of time fighting my depression as I was sure I had failed.  When I'm depressed, I feel very uninspired.  Hence no blogging.

2. About a month and a half ago, I found out that - to my shock, surprise, and awe - I passed my licensing exam!

3. After finding out I had passed, I then faced the fun life that is unemployment.  Totally kidding on the fun part. Basically, I spent all day searching for a job.  Which became quite complicated because that little thing called the government shutdown happened.  Unemployment life is quite uninspiring.  Hence, yet again, no blogging.

BUT, I'm back to blogging again.  I'm recommitting myself to this.  I started this blog to prove to others out there struggling that there is hope.  And to remind myself that even when things seem dark and impossible, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Plus, I may start posting pics of my chronic migraine life and journey to live life as any other "normal" human being would.  Which means I need to start taking pics again...  I could make "Take more pictures" goal number 6 of this journey, but it just seems off when I consider my current 5 goals...

So, Happy November blogging world!!  This Deep South transplant migraineur is officially back and ready to blog!

Pep Talks and Goal #5

My life this past month has been one pep talk after another.

Most are self-given.  Yes, I give myself daily pep talks.  Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do.

But, lately, I've been blessed to have someone come into my life who is fantastically amazing at giving pep talks.

So, here's the thing...

Throughout these past few months, with my life twist-turned upside down, I've had the unfortunate pleasure of figuring out - the hardest way ever - who my true friends are.  People I thought were my friends suddenly fell off the face of the earth when the realized I couldn't drop everything and do for them whenever they needed it.  It's been heartbreaking, to say the least.  To know you've invested so much time, energy, and love into someone.  And to have it all mean nothing in the end.  Heartbreaking is honestly the only word I can find to describe what it's been like.  Which, ironically, goes back to Goal #4.

But, one day, I decided I was going to go outside and get a little Vitamin C - mostly in the hopes that the sunshine would help cheer me up, allow me to relax, and melt away (ok, more like sweat away) all the heartache I'd been enduring.

Well, in this quest, I met someone.  Someone who has become a very dear friend to me (although I'm not sure they realize just how dear they are).  Each day, they hit me with a pep talk.

Today's was, as simple and obvious as it was, quite profound.  And so I'm sharing it...

"I think you're going to do great and you will look back on this and feel like you wasted so much energy worrying.  Chin up and eye on the prize.  I have faith in you.  P.S. Try to get some sleep"

How true!  The one thing standing in my way is worry (and lack of sleep - but that's a blog topic for another day).  Each day, I stare at Matthew 11:28-30, a scripture I've posted in my home.

Matthew 11:28-30 says, "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gently and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light."

I've been so consumed with worry.  Worried about my current life events and state.  Worried about these friendships that I've come to realize never really were.  Worried about making it through the day.  Worried about meeting the expectations and needs of others.  Worried about the future and what it holds.  Worried.  And, as much as I've been praying, I haven't been praying to God about the worry.  I've asked for comfort, I've asked for peace.  But I've never talked to Him about the worry.  I've never truly given it to Him.

How can I expect to achieve the true and ultimate prize - eternity in Heaven with my Maker and Savior - unless I give it all over?

Which leads me to setting my 5th goal for this journey...

Goal #5: let go of the pain, hurt, heartache, and worry.  Give it all to God so that you may obtain true rest.

Goal #4

I've seriously been neglecting this blog.

Here's why --

A lot of stuff has happened to me personally here lately.  Stuff that has caused me to really seriously doubt my faith in humanity.  Before you let your mind wander and think I'm referring to stuff going on in the news/media, I'm not.

I remember the day I officially came clean about this.  After I announced my feelings out loud, I felt like humanity felt the need to prove to me that I shouldn't have faith in it.  Repeatedly.

Here I am, 2 weeks later.

This weekend, I had a really powerful heart-to-heart with a very dear friend.  She said something to me that I'm throwing out in this blog world so that I won't forget it.  And because it's going on my list of goals for this journey (the reason why I started this blog).

This is what she said: "Focus on yourself.  Cut out the people who are sucking the joy out of your life."

I'm sure many people read that and think how absolutely cruel and harsh that is.  But, I read that and think how right she is!

I've let people into my life who treat me like trash.  They come around when they need something, when it's convenient for them.  But when I need a friend, they're always too busy.  Or, if they happen to be available, they come around to say hurtful things to me that only tear me down further.

So, this is the real sucky part of the journey.  The time where you find out who your true friends are and let yourself be okay with letting the others go.  The time where I find out who my true friends are.  The time where I allow myself to let go of those that only suck out my joy.  Not only give myself permission to do so, but to truly be okay with it.

It's the time to allow myself to experience joy - pure, unadulterated joy...

Watch Your Walls!

While browsing the internet the other night, I came across this amazing photo.

It's almost as if it were made for me.

This photo pretty much sums up what got me started on this journey.

So, I share it now with you all.

Hopefully, it'll be a reminder to you (as it is to me) that there is FAR more to us than what the world may see and try to define us as - and the things the world tells us that we feel as though we must accept.

Remember: you are more than a diagnosis. Don't let a small aspect of your life define your life.

PS  If I could remember where this photo came from, I would totally give the photo credit.  My apologizes to wherever it came from!

Why me?

I've heard so many people say this phrase.

It's often said after a diagnosis or on a day where you're really struggling.

Whenever I hear it, I often think to myself about how people are forgetting one word in that sentence.  One small little word.

And that word is 'not.'

Why not me??

This is why I say God blessed me with chronic migraines, depression, whatever other challenges I may face in life - physical or mental.

My friends all know if they get a headache, I'm going to have some Aleve/Ibuproen on me.  And I don't mind one bit giving them one of those OTC pills to provide them with some relief.

Those who know me know that, should they be struggling with depression, I have no problem driving over to their house and getting them out of bed.  Pulling them out of bed if need be.

I think a lot of people with any kind of struggle in life are afraid to share it.  Afraid of what others will think once they find out.  Afraid of how others will judge them.

The beautiful thing about being open about our struggles is that others know that if they are facing the same challenges, they can openly talk to you about it.  You know what it's like.  You know how hard it can be to fight and overcome.

Most importantly, they know that you won't judge them for their struggles and challenges.

So, why not me??

God chose to bless me with all off these challenges.  On what grounds do I have to question Him?? Him - my Father, our Creator, my first love.

If, in God so blessing me, I can help others with their struggles and challenges, then this I ask -- why not me?

Why I Blog

There are many things I struggle with in life.

But, close to being at the top of my list of struggles is sharing my emotions.

Emotions.

They're something we all experience.

But it's also something we all have a different way of showing.

I'm a hider of emotions.

I think it all ties back to having a chronic illness.

In the eyes of others, you are always sick.  It's all in your head.  You need to get over yourself and then your life will get better.

I heard those phrases so many times in my life that I began to shut down.  Notice - I didn't say I believed them (because that couldn't have been further from the truth).  I simply just shut down.

Sure, I was in serious pain.  But unless I truly trusted you, you didn't know.  I smiled a fake smile.  When asked how I was feeling, I'd always respond with a "good" or a "fine," even when that wasn't the truth.

Here's the thing, though -- not only do I struggle with showing emotion, but I struggle with how to deal with situations where others are showing emotion.

I find emotional situations to be awkward, uncomfortable, and situations in which I want to flee as fast as possible from.

Ultimately, this is why I blog.

I still am struggling with how to experience emotions, show emotions, not be perceived as "cold-hearted" or "shut out."

Writing, blogging, helps me figure out how to express emotions through words.  Once I am able to see how I feel, that helps me to understand how I feel and thus fully experience emotions.

I don't blog so I can be the next professional blogger.

I blog so I can find me.  Learn who I am.  And, eventually, (or maybe even hopefully) begin to understand and accept myself for being just that - me.

Goal #3 for my journey: Ignore my blog statistics. Remember that I'm doing this for me and only me.  I am giving myself permission to allow myself to write about, experience, feel whatever emotions may come my way.  And I'm not going to let my Blogger stats (however high or low they may be) get in the way of this journey - my journey.

Everyone has a story...

The first goal of my journey has been set -

Goal #1: Always keep an open mind.  Everyone has a story.  Be open to listening, be open to looking past the physical, be open to hearing others' stories, be open to sharing, open up yourself - your heart . . . be open.

Having a story - that's where this journey began.

Instead of referring to your past as "your past," I have a friend who refers to it as "sharing your story."

I absolutely love that!  How many of us cringe when we think about or are referenced to our past?  Those two little words carry such a bad connotation with them. 

But how many of us cringe at the thought of sharing a story?

Think about it... How often do we avoid the questions about our past simply because of all the regrets we have regarding it? 

But, let's be honest, our past is our past.  It belongs to us.  It is personal.  It is a story.  A written story that we cannot change - despite how badly we wish we could.

Compare this to the last book you read.  You read it.  Sure there are parts of the book that you still don't remember.  But, when it comes to the basic plot of the story, you still remember it; you remember the high ups and the low downs.  You can't go back and change what you read.  It's done.  It's read.  Even though the ending may have been completely awful, that's how it ended.  You can't change that.

The same applies for our life.  Except, when it comes to your life, you're the author.

I do a fair amount of writing with my life.  Are there things I've written that I'm not totally happy with?  Yeah.  But I can't go back and change it now.  It's been submitted.  It's been read.  It is what it is.  I can't change it.

Each day, you write the story of your life.  Everyone's life story has its moments - its ups, its downs, its moments we wish we could take back. 

Regardless, part of our story is already written.  The rest, well, we continue to write it daily.

Consider this - how often do we try to hide certain parts of our story from others due to shame?  At the same time, how often do we look down on others - judge them, if you will - for certain parts of their life story?

How fair is that??

The simple answer: it isn't.

And the truth of the matter is just this -- we are all guilty of it.

We all have parts of our story that we wish we could tear out of the book, burn, and pretend like it never happened.  Yet, when others have the courage to share those pages of their story with us, we judge. 

Notice the word I used there - courage.

I will be the first to admit that I am guilty of this.  I'm guilty of judging others simply because they have courage.  Courage, a character trait I often lack though like to believe I have in plenty.

We all have a story.  And one little life event (or, in my case, one diagnosis), doesn't define us or set the plot for our stories - despite what we've told ourselves for years.  Despite what I have convinced myself to believe throughout the years.

Have courage.  Share your story!  And most importantly, don't look down on those (perhaps even judge them) who happen to have more courage than you do.

Which leads me to the second goal of my journey -

Goal #2:  Have courage.  Share your story.  Take the time to listen to others who share their stories.  Don't be afraid.  And, above all, don't judge others for possessing courage.

I've made a mistake...

A few weeks ago, I had this breakthrough realization regarding my chronic migraine life.

After my diagnosis, I made one big huge mistake.

I let it define me.

I let being a chronic migraine sufferer define me.

You know how some people define themselves by their roles - a teacher, a parent, a sister, an advocate, etc.?  I have been defining myself by my diagnosis.

But, here's the thing... My diagnosis, while it is a part of me, it isn't who I am.

For the past few years, I've let being a chronic migraine sufferer be who I am. 

There's so much more to me than just my diagnosis.

So, I've embarked on a journey to find who I really am.  Being a chronic migraine sufferer isn't who I am, it's just something that I happen to deal with - just like others may happen to deal with a broken bone, or a bug bite, or a cut/scrape. 

While I'm not quite sure who I really am right now (hence this journey), there are a few things I do know about me.  First and foremost, I am a follower of Christ.  I have devoted my life to the Lord and to doing as God commands of me.  I'm also an advocate.  I am a daughter, a sister, a friend.  I am a giver - I want to help others any way I can.  I'm an organizer.  I am a problem solver.  I am a fighter - I don't give up without a fight.  I am a child of God. 

Did you notice that being a chronic migraine sufferer didn't make that list?  I purposely left it off.  Because putting it on that list would be like saying I'm a broken toe survivor.  Yeah, I've broken my toe.  Yeah, it totally hurts.  But I don't meet people and say, "Hey! I've broken my toe before. So nice to meet you!"  That's totally ridicilious sounding, right?  Well so is choosing to let a diagnosis define me. 

There's far more to me than just a diagnosis. 

It's taken me a long time to realize this.  But, once I had that breakthrough, I realized there was so much in life I was missing out on because of the way I had chosen to define myself.  Notice how I worded that - the way I had chosen to define myself.  I put myself in that box.  And now, I'm taking myself out of that box.

So, here's to starting a journey outside of the box - a journey to find who I truly am.  Because, somewhere inbetween being diagnosed and making myself stay in a box defined simply by a diagnosis, I've lost sight of me - I've lost myself.  Here's to finding me - possibly for the first time in my adult life...

New Direction

I started this blog with the intention of talking about what life as a chronic migraine sufferer was like.

I even tried to do the blog challenge during Migraine Awareness Month.

But, the more I did it, the more depressing things seemed. 

Yes, I suffer from chronic migraines.  But that's not who I am.  Being a migraine sufferer isn't all that there is to me.

So, I've decided to take this blog in a new direction.  Instead of talking about what life with migraines is like, I'm going to blog about what life is like despite having migraines.

Reading about all the people in the world who have migraines, all the meds they've taken, all the ups and downs they've been through, etc., becomes old and depressing over time.

I want to instead spread hope to all migraine sufferers out there.

It IS possible to have a real life, have fun, enjoy whatever comes your way despite having migraines.

My hope and plan is to write an inspiring and encouraging blog.  To let others see that there are upsides to having chronic migraines.  To prove that while migraines may be a part of you, they don't define you.

I welcome any and all to come along with me on this journey!

Welcome!

Welcome to my new blog, The Chronic Migraine Life!!

This isn't my first go-around at blogging.  I had a blog a few years back - and I was terrible at updating it (The Topper Life).  But, for some odd reason (probably because I was terrible at updating it), Blogger won't let me log into it.  So, here's to a new blog!

As the title of the blog gives away, I am a chronic migraine sufferer.  I've been in the club for about 3 years now.  I never knew what a migraine was till I got my first.  Since then, migraines have become part of who I am.

As my "about me" section states, I look at having migraines as a blessing.  My faith is incredibly important to me.  Without it, I definitely wouldn't be where I am or who I am today.

I know in my heart that God chose to bless me with chronic migraines for a reason.  And, to be quite honest, I am glad He did!  Through my migraines, I've met some amazing people, become closer to friends, and (most importantly) become closer to God.

My chronic migraines have shown me just how strong I am, just how important my family is to me (man, do I ever cherish them!), and just how much I love the Lord.

So, if you're a chronic migraine sufferer or know of someone who is, please feel free to follow along with me as I strive to overcome my migraines, look for the positive in the negative, and strive to be the best me I can possibly be (despite having migraines).

Just because I have chronic migraines, I refuse to let them control my life.  I hope this blog will be my constant reminder of that!