Getting Outside the Box

When I presented my first goal, I mentioned how I had put myself in a box.  A box where I had lived my life dictated by a diagnosis. 

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I've been living in a box well before my diagnosis.

I've spent a good portion of my life living in a box.

Rarely have I ever gone out of my way to try something new, to meet people that are different than myself or those I grew up around, to participate in some random activity that my normal self would run in the opposite direction from.

Lately, I've been pushing myself to get outside of this box - not just the chronic migraine box.  But to also get out of my "life norm" box.

I had a friend point out to me that I only have light colored nail polish - many shades of pink, silver, and neutral colors. 

So, while at the dollar store the other day (Yes, I said dollar store.  I absolutely love that place - walk out with a lot without feeling a major hurt on your wallet.), I noticed they had some nail polish.  But not just any nail polish - black nail polish.

Never in my life have I owned muchless painted my nails black.

I figured I'd splurge and buy myself the $1 bottle.

When I got home, I painted my finger and toe nails this deep black color.  After a few coats and a top coat, I took the chance to admire my work and evaluate this new experience. 

Believe it or not - I love it!!  It's so bold, so out there, so hello!  I find myself purposely finding ways to show off my fingers, point things out, wear open toe shoes, simply so I can show off my new polish.

As "unprofessional" as this world has labeled black nail polish, my professional self is in love with it!

And as timid and nervous and uneasy as I was to take the big leap and paint my nails black, I'm so glad I jumped!  Who knew such an intense shade of polish could not only make someone so happy but bring out so much inner pride and strength?!

I know you're probably thinking - seriously, you only painted your nails.  You are honestly this excited over just painting your nails??

Here's the big reason why I'm so excited about "just" painting my nails:

This is a new experience.  One I never would have done had it not been for a friend pointing out the lack of variety in my life. Yes, my "life norm" is really just a lack of variety in my life.

Variety.  I added variety to my life.  I did something so out of my norm.  I got out of my box.

Sure, it's just something as small and simple as painting my nails.

But we all have to start somewhere, right??

Challenge yourself this week - or today, for that matter - to get outside of your box.  Even if it's just something small. 

And please don't hesitate to share how you're getting out of your box.  This journey isn't nearly as fun and enjoyable unless you take people along with you and listen as they share their story!

Everyone has a story...

The first goal of my journey has been set -

Goal #1: Always keep an open mind.  Everyone has a story.  Be open to listening, be open to looking past the physical, be open to hearing others' stories, be open to sharing, open up yourself - your heart . . . be open.

Having a story - that's where this journey began.

Instead of referring to your past as "your past," I have a friend who refers to it as "sharing your story."

I absolutely love that!  How many of us cringe when we think about or are referenced to our past?  Those two little words carry such a bad connotation with them. 

But how many of us cringe at the thought of sharing a story?

Think about it... How often do we avoid the questions about our past simply because of all the regrets we have regarding it? 

But, let's be honest, our past is our past.  It belongs to us.  It is personal.  It is a story.  A written story that we cannot change - despite how badly we wish we could.

Compare this to the last book you read.  You read it.  Sure there are parts of the book that you still don't remember.  But, when it comes to the basic plot of the story, you still remember it; you remember the high ups and the low downs.  You can't go back and change what you read.  It's done.  It's read.  Even though the ending may have been completely awful, that's how it ended.  You can't change that.

The same applies for our life.  Except, when it comes to your life, you're the author.

I do a fair amount of writing with my life.  Are there things I've written that I'm not totally happy with?  Yeah.  But I can't go back and change it now.  It's been submitted.  It's been read.  It is what it is.  I can't change it.

Each day, you write the story of your life.  Everyone's life story has its moments - its ups, its downs, its moments we wish we could take back. 

Regardless, part of our story is already written.  The rest, well, we continue to write it daily.

Consider this - how often do we try to hide certain parts of our story from others due to shame?  At the same time, how often do we look down on others - judge them, if you will - for certain parts of their life story?

How fair is that??

The simple answer: it isn't.

And the truth of the matter is just this -- we are all guilty of it.

We all have parts of our story that we wish we could tear out of the book, burn, and pretend like it never happened.  Yet, when others have the courage to share those pages of their story with us, we judge. 

Notice the word I used there - courage.

I will be the first to admit that I am guilty of this.  I'm guilty of judging others simply because they have courage.  Courage, a character trait I often lack though like to believe I have in plenty.

We all have a story.  And one little life event (or, in my case, one diagnosis), doesn't define us or set the plot for our stories - despite what we've told ourselves for years.  Despite what I have convinced myself to believe throughout the years.

Have courage.  Share your story!  And most importantly, don't look down on those (perhaps even judge them) who happen to have more courage than you do.

Which leads me to the second goal of my journey -

Goal #2:  Have courage.  Share your story.  Take the time to listen to others who share their stories.  Don't be afraid.  And, above all, don't judge others for possessing courage.

I've made a mistake...

A few weeks ago, I had this breakthrough realization regarding my chronic migraine life.

After my diagnosis, I made one big huge mistake.

I let it define me.

I let being a chronic migraine sufferer define me.

You know how some people define themselves by their roles - a teacher, a parent, a sister, an advocate, etc.?  I have been defining myself by my diagnosis.

But, here's the thing... My diagnosis, while it is a part of me, it isn't who I am.

For the past few years, I've let being a chronic migraine sufferer be who I am. 

There's so much more to me than just my diagnosis.

So, I've embarked on a journey to find who I really am.  Being a chronic migraine sufferer isn't who I am, it's just something that I happen to deal with - just like others may happen to deal with a broken bone, or a bug bite, or a cut/scrape. 

While I'm not quite sure who I really am right now (hence this journey), there are a few things I do know about me.  First and foremost, I am a follower of Christ.  I have devoted my life to the Lord and to doing as God commands of me.  I'm also an advocate.  I am a daughter, a sister, a friend.  I am a giver - I want to help others any way I can.  I'm an organizer.  I am a problem solver.  I am a fighter - I don't give up without a fight.  I am a child of God. 

Did you notice that being a chronic migraine sufferer didn't make that list?  I purposely left it off.  Because putting it on that list would be like saying I'm a broken toe survivor.  Yeah, I've broken my toe.  Yeah, it totally hurts.  But I don't meet people and say, "Hey! I've broken my toe before. So nice to meet you!"  That's totally ridicilious sounding, right?  Well so is choosing to let a diagnosis define me. 

There's far more to me than just a diagnosis. 

It's taken me a long time to realize this.  But, once I had that breakthrough, I realized there was so much in life I was missing out on because of the way I had chosen to define myself.  Notice how I worded that - the way I had chosen to define myself.  I put myself in that box.  And now, I'm taking myself out of that box.

So, here's to starting a journey outside of the box - a journey to find who I truly am.  Because, somewhere inbetween being diagnosed and making myself stay in a box defined simply by a diagnosis, I've lost sight of me - I've lost myself.  Here's to finding me - possibly for the first time in my adult life...

New Direction

I started this blog with the intention of talking about what life as a chronic migraine sufferer was like.

I even tried to do the blog challenge during Migraine Awareness Month.

But, the more I did it, the more depressing things seemed. 

Yes, I suffer from chronic migraines.  But that's not who I am.  Being a migraine sufferer isn't all that there is to me.

So, I've decided to take this blog in a new direction.  Instead of talking about what life with migraines is like, I'm going to blog about what life is like despite having migraines.

Reading about all the people in the world who have migraines, all the meds they've taken, all the ups and downs they've been through, etc., becomes old and depressing over time.

I want to instead spread hope to all migraine sufferers out there.

It IS possible to have a real life, have fun, enjoy whatever comes your way despite having migraines.

My hope and plan is to write an inspiring and encouraging blog.  To let others see that there are upsides to having chronic migraines.  To prove that while migraines may be a part of you, they don't define you.

I welcome any and all to come along with me on this journey!