Thoughts on Botox

I'm a chronic migraine sufferer.  As if the title of my blog didn't give that away.

So, what does that mean?

It means that everyday brings its own physical struggles.  Some days, it's nausea.  Some days, it's dizziness (vertigo).  Some days, it's seeing random non-existent objects (usually some type of a bug).  Some days, it's feeling like my nerves are on fire.  Some days, it's pounding head pain.  Some days, it's a combination of all the above.

I do not take daily preventative medication.  [Insert shock here.]

I tried preventatives.  They didn't work.  They actually made the migraines worse.  And they brought a lot of other ugly side-effects into my life.

But not taking preventatives caused me to max out on my abortives.  Which led to me taking a ton of steroids.  And prescription pain pills.  All so I could just get out of bed.  And when I couldn't, off to the hospital for a 3-4 day stay I went.

I told my doctor I couldn't do it anymore.

So, he told me out about Botox injections.  Yes, Botox.  That stuff that rich women inject into their faces to get rid of their wrinkles.  Well, that toxin is known to do amazing things for migraineurs.

In July 2011, I got my first taste of Botox for migraines.  My doctor's secretary told me it was just 7 shots.  I don't do shots well.  Scratch that.  I don't do needles well.  But, I told myself I could handle 7.  After all, I could count them off on my hands!

After waiting in the office for 2 hours (and getting sick in the bathroom numerous times), I was finally called back.  And then my doctor dropped the bomb.  It's not 7 shots.  It's 31.  31.  [Insert me having a meltdown in the doctor's office, in front of my doctor, here.]  I literally cried through the entire procedure.  Balled my eyes out.  And, it took about an hour total to get it done.  Halfway through, my doctor told me I was brave.  As if him saying that would make me feel so much better about him giving me 31 shots in the head.  (It didn't, in case you were wondering.)

Since then, I've had it done 6 more times.  And, I haven't cried once!  But it still sucks.  So, here's what no one told me about getting 31 injections into your head.  (Okay, in all fairness to me, I googled it prior to getting it done and nothing came up because it had just recently been approved by the FDA for migraine treatment.)

1.  The procedure takes about 15-30 minutes.  It all depends on your doctor, their familiarity with the procedure, and whether or not you're crying so hard that the doctor gives you breaks to breathe so you don't pass out on him.

2.  It is considered in-office surgery.  So, if anyone ever tries to tell you to suck it up, it's no biggie, kindly inform them that insurance would beg to differ as it treats it quite differently than an office visit.

3.  I've been getting the injections for nearly 2 years.  I'm still not used to the fact that I cannot move my eyebrows.  Like at all.  I try.  Nothing happens.  I always ask my esthetician to wax my brow with an arch in it since I can't move them to show expression.  That way, it doesn't look like I'm angry 24/7.  I'm sure I'll be a sight to see when I'm 80 - a wrinkled prune from nose down, and straight wrinkle-free skin from eyes up.

4.  You can tell when the Botox is being injected.  Because it burns.  Not like it's on fire burns.  But definitely a stronger sensation than a sting.

5.  It takes 2 weeks for the injections to fully kick in.  But you will feel some immediate changes.  The biggest being that your skin will feel tight.  It's as if someone has pulled your skin as tightly as they can across your face.  I always want to rub my head after I get them done to loosen up my skin.  But, I never do because nothing good would come from that.

6.  You will have little needle marks on your forehead for a day or two following.  But, unless you're looking for them, they aren't noticeable.

7.  I always leave the office with at least one visible bruise.  Granted, I bruise easily.  It's almost to the point where when something happens, I can say with almost certainty that it'll bruise.  And it usually does.  This last time, my doctor asked me what I do about the bruises - cover them with makeup, part my hair differently, hide my face from the world.  Here's the honest answer (which I gave him) - I sport them proudly.  And, when people ask, I tell them my doctor did it.  Which is usually followed by the story that I get injections in my head, and it's from one of the injections.

8.  I take the day off from life the day I get the injections.  Here's why.  My doctor only does them on Fridays.  And, my appointment is usually around 10am.  I don't see the point of going into work for only an hour, especially on a Friday.  Once I get them, I'm exhausted.  As in I usually crash an hour or so afterwards exhausted.  Sleeping also helps my body relax, which helps me to not experience all the weird sensations your nerves/muscles go through as the Botox kicks in.  If I don't allow myself to have this downtime, I get a killer awful migraine.  It's a must for me.

9.  For all my loved ones, I've added my ninth tip.  Others don't like watching the procedure.  Apparently, it makes them super uncomfortable, nauseous, grateful they aren't the ones getting the 31 injections.  I've taken family/friends with me to distract me, comfort me, and (mostly) so they could visually experience it to understand the lengths I'm going to for relief.  Now, I go alone because family/friends can't watch it.  My doctor is usually pretty good about striking up some kind of non-injection related conversation with me.  But, I'm also not afraid to change the topic when he starts talking about the details of the procedure.

10.  It's all mind over matter.  Yes, it sucks.  No, it isn't fun.  But, if getting 31 shots in my head means I'll have the strength to get out of bed and actually function on a daily basis, 31 shots it is.

So, there are my top 10 thoughts on Botox - things I wish I would have known and that have taken me almost 2 years to learn.

If you have any other tips to add, please do so!  If you have any questions about the procedure (or days following), please ask!

PS  I usually refer to the procedure as my shots.  Because I hate having to explain to people why, at my age, I get Botox (and that insurance covers for me to be wrinkle-free).

Sometimes, migraines just suck...

Sometimes, all the positivity and love in the world won't fight off a migraine.

Sometimes, you just have to give in to the pain.

Sometimes, enough is enough.

It's these times where I remind myself that asking for help doesn't make me weak.

It's these times where I remind myself that taking medication doesn't mean I'm giving up.

It's these times where I realize how blessed I am.

Blessed to have the doctor I do who listens and is willing to help.

Blessed to have friends who will run to the pharmacy to get the meds for me.

Blessed to have family who remind me that my migraines don't define me.

Blessed to have had these migraines enough to recognize the signs of when my crazy migraine side is coming out.

Blessed.

So, even though migraines just suck sometimes, they also provide a great opportunity for me to realize just how truly blessed I am.

Why me?

I've heard so many people say this phrase.

It's often said after a diagnosis or on a day where you're really struggling.

Whenever I hear it, I often think to myself about how people are forgetting one word in that sentence.  One small little word.

And that word is 'not.'

Why not me??

This is why I say God blessed me with chronic migraines, depression, whatever other challenges I may face in life - physical or mental.

My friends all know if they get a headache, I'm going to have some Aleve/Ibuproen on me.  And I don't mind one bit giving them one of those OTC pills to provide them with some relief.

Those who know me know that, should they be struggling with depression, I have no problem driving over to their house and getting them out of bed.  Pulling them out of bed if need be.

I think a lot of people with any kind of struggle in life are afraid to share it.  Afraid of what others will think once they find out.  Afraid of how others will judge them.

The beautiful thing about being open about our struggles is that others know that if they are facing the same challenges, they can openly talk to you about it.  You know what it's like.  You know how hard it can be to fight and overcome.

Most importantly, they know that you won't judge them for their struggles and challenges.

So, why not me??

God chose to bless me with all off these challenges.  On what grounds do I have to question Him?? Him - my Father, our Creator, my first love.

If, in God so blessing me, I can help others with their struggles and challenges, then this I ask -- why not me?

I've made a mistake...

A few weeks ago, I had this breakthrough realization regarding my chronic migraine life.

After my diagnosis, I made one big huge mistake.

I let it define me.

I let being a chronic migraine sufferer define me.

You know how some people define themselves by their roles - a teacher, a parent, a sister, an advocate, etc.?  I have been defining myself by my diagnosis.

But, here's the thing... My diagnosis, while it is a part of me, it isn't who I am.

For the past few years, I've let being a chronic migraine sufferer be who I am. 

There's so much more to me than just my diagnosis.

So, I've embarked on a journey to find who I really am.  Being a chronic migraine sufferer isn't who I am, it's just something that I happen to deal with - just like others may happen to deal with a broken bone, or a bug bite, or a cut/scrape. 

While I'm not quite sure who I really am right now (hence this journey), there are a few things I do know about me.  First and foremost, I am a follower of Christ.  I have devoted my life to the Lord and to doing as God commands of me.  I'm also an advocate.  I am a daughter, a sister, a friend.  I am a giver - I want to help others any way I can.  I'm an organizer.  I am a problem solver.  I am a fighter - I don't give up without a fight.  I am a child of God. 

Did you notice that being a chronic migraine sufferer didn't make that list?  I purposely left it off.  Because putting it on that list would be like saying I'm a broken toe survivor.  Yeah, I've broken my toe.  Yeah, it totally hurts.  But I don't meet people and say, "Hey! I've broken my toe before. So nice to meet you!"  That's totally ridicilious sounding, right?  Well so is choosing to let a diagnosis define me. 

There's far more to me than just a diagnosis. 

It's taken me a long time to realize this.  But, once I had that breakthrough, I realized there was so much in life I was missing out on because of the way I had chosen to define myself.  Notice how I worded that - the way I had chosen to define myself.  I put myself in that box.  And now, I'm taking myself out of that box.

So, here's to starting a journey outside of the box - a journey to find who I truly am.  Because, somewhere inbetween being diagnosed and making myself stay in a box defined simply by a diagnosis, I've lost sight of me - I've lost myself.  Here's to finding me - possibly for the first time in my adult life...

New Direction

I started this blog with the intention of talking about what life as a chronic migraine sufferer was like.

I even tried to do the blog challenge during Migraine Awareness Month.

But, the more I did it, the more depressing things seemed. 

Yes, I suffer from chronic migraines.  But that's not who I am.  Being a migraine sufferer isn't all that there is to me.

So, I've decided to take this blog in a new direction.  Instead of talking about what life with migraines is like, I'm going to blog about what life is like despite having migraines.

Reading about all the people in the world who have migraines, all the meds they've taken, all the ups and downs they've been through, etc., becomes old and depressing over time.

I want to instead spread hope to all migraine sufferers out there.

It IS possible to have a real life, have fun, enjoy whatever comes your way despite having migraines.

My hope and plan is to write an inspiring and encouraging blog.  To let others see that there are upsides to having chronic migraines.  To prove that while migraines may be a part of you, they don't define you.

I welcome any and all to come along with me on this journey!

Day 7: List Topper

Today's topic concerns what you believe to be the biggest myth out there re migraines.

I have to say that the most common thing I get from people is the whole - well my friend/aunt/family member takes this.  Have you tried that?

The whole mentality that what works for one person should work for all.

I can't tell you how many different meds I've tried.  At this point in my migraine life, it's probably close to 50. 

And yet I still have yet to find what works for me.

Right now, the pill Frova is the best thing I've found to help with my migraines.  But before that, Imitrex was what worked best.  And then I became immune to Imitrex.

Long story short - what works for one doesn't work for all. 

While I do appreciate those that show their concern and desire to help by offering suggestions, please don't be offended when dismiss your suggestion as I've already tried that med and have had zero luck with it.

Day 6: Name That Tune

Sorry I slacked and failed to post these past couple of days.  I just needed some time away from the computer for a bit.

Anyways, day 6 is all about putting a theme song to your migraine.

I actually have 2 songs.

The first is Kelly Clarkson's "Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You)."  Because what doesn't kill you truly does make you stronger!!

Click here to listen to "Stronger."

The second is my go-to whenever I'm down, struggling, having a bad day, or just want to be comforted.  It's called, "In Christ Alone."  The lyrics to the song are quite powerful.  They always get me through the tough times because the song reminds me that I'm not alone, God is watching over me, and He loves me greatly.

Click here to listen to "In Christ Alone."

Day 3: Just Shoot Me Now

For today, the topic of discussion is your worst trigger.

My worst trigger, without a doubt, has to be scents.  Particularly, perfumes.  Man, do they send my migraine up a wall!!

The bad thing about it is that they're really hard to avoid.  And not all perfumes are triggers.  But those that mostly elderly women wear, without a doubt, are always triggers.

I love my grandmother to pieces, but she always wears perfume that triggers my migraines.  She told my parents one day that she felt as though I didn't want to be around her.  Reality - it's hard for me to be around her because of her perfume.

Finally, a family member stepped in and told her that her perfume doesn't help my migraines.  So, whenever she hears that I'm coming to town, she stops wearing perfume (is that sweet or what?!). I do feel bad whenever I don't get to see her when I'm in town (because of being preoccupied for something like being hospitalized for migraines).  But, luckily, she knows that I struggle with them and doesn't get too upset with me.

Luckily, I've learned from all of this that 1 squirt of perfume is just the right amount.  Even though it may seem like a little, others will notice that subtle scent enough to comment on it.

Day 2: Tea for Two

Today's challenge is discussing who you would invite to tea to help better understand your migraines.

As odd as this sounds, I would invite my doctor.

The last time, he asked me what a migraine felt like because he's never even had a headache before (can you say totally jealous of him?).

Now, just because he's never had a headache, I don't feel as though that makes him a "bad doctor" nor does it make him unable to effectively care for/treat me. In reality, he's the absolute best doctor I've ever had. The doctor I saw before him had struggled with migraines. That doctor's response to my complaints: "Just suck it up and deal with them. You don't need medication. You'll grow out of them like I did." SO glad that guy is no longer my doctor!

Anyways, I would invite my doctor to tea (and by tea, I mean he can drink tea but I'll be drinking water since caffeine is a big no for me). I'd love for him to see me in my environment.  See how migraines really do effect my life.  And not feel like I have to quickly answer his questions as he has somewhere else he needs to get to or other patients waiting to see him - although he rarely ever makes me feel as though he's in a rush.

I know my doctor understands migraines in the textbook sense.  And I know he's seen me on some of the worst migraine days of my life.  But I'd love for him to see me do my daily living tasks all while fighting a migraine because I believe if he could see that, then he truly would understand the full impact of migraines - both in the medical and human sense.

Day 1: Your First for the First

Today's topic is to discuss your first migraine. So, here it goes...

I can remember mine vividly.  Never in my life had I had a migraine before.  Sure, I'd had a random headache here and there.  But I could always take some OTC pill and knock it out - and 1 pill was always sufficient!

Then, one January afternoon, a got my first migraine.  I remember coming home from work and not feeling all that great.  This wasn't all that uncommon as I had been fighting bad vertigo since November.  So, thinking it was just the vertigo getting to me (afterall, I had been staring at a computer screen all day long at work), I changed into my pjs and crawled into bed. 

Next thing I knew, my head was pounding.  And then came the nausea.  I knew I needed to get up and go to the bathroom as I felt like I was about to throw up, but my head was pounding so bad and I felt so dizzy.  I just couldn't get up out of the bed.

Then the vision change.  Now, I had been somewhat familiar with some vision change with the vertigo and all.  But this was nothing like that.  I could barely see.  I was seeing a lot of black spots.  And, in some places, all I saw was an empty void. 

I remember thinking something was seriously wrong.  I remember thinking I probably needed to go to the ER.  But then I remember thinking I couldn't see well enough to drive myself to the ER.  And I surely couldn't afford to call an ambulance to take me there.  Plus, while I knew something wasn't right, I felt as though it wasn't a "call the ambulance" emergency sort of situation.

I decided to crawl deeper under the covers, pray to God for comfort and peace, and try to sleep off whatever this was. 

The next morning, I woke up feeling like I had had a rough night.  I've never been intoxicated in my life, but I have been to college.  I have heard all about the classic symptoms of a hangover.  I had pretty much everyone of those.  So, I popped an OTC pill, went to work as if nothing was up, and came home to have a repeat of the previous night.

It wasn't until this went on for a solid week that I finally sought medical attention.

Little did I know that this one week of my life would soon develop into a diagnosis of chronic migraine...

Happy June!!

Did you know June was Migraine Awareness Month??

They say you learn something new everyday! This is what I learned today.

In honor of Migraine Awareness Month, I'll be posting (or should I say, attempting to post) everyday this month.

I'll somewhat be following the Blogging Challenge .  I'll be changing some of the days posts as they aren't applicable to me and/or I don't have much to say concerning that topic.

I'm looking forward to reading what others who are attempting this blogging challenge post about throughout the month!

Happy Migraine Awareness Month!!

Welcome!

Welcome to my new blog, The Chronic Migraine Life!!

This isn't my first go-around at blogging.  I had a blog a few years back - and I was terrible at updating it (The Topper Life).  But, for some odd reason (probably because I was terrible at updating it), Blogger won't let me log into it.  So, here's to a new blog!

As the title of the blog gives away, I am a chronic migraine sufferer.  I've been in the club for about 3 years now.  I never knew what a migraine was till I got my first.  Since then, migraines have become part of who I am.

As my "about me" section states, I look at having migraines as a blessing.  My faith is incredibly important to me.  Without it, I definitely wouldn't be where I am or who I am today.

I know in my heart that God chose to bless me with chronic migraines for a reason.  And, to be quite honest, I am glad He did!  Through my migraines, I've met some amazing people, become closer to friends, and (most importantly) become closer to God.

My chronic migraines have shown me just how strong I am, just how important my family is to me (man, do I ever cherish them!), and just how much I love the Lord.

So, if you're a chronic migraine sufferer or know of someone who is, please feel free to follow along with me as I strive to overcome my migraines, look for the positive in the negative, and strive to be the best me I can possibly be (despite having migraines).

Just because I have chronic migraines, I refuse to let them control my life.  I hope this blog will be my constant reminder of that!