Why me?

I've heard so many people say this phrase.

It's often said after a diagnosis or on a day where you're really struggling.

Whenever I hear it, I often think to myself about how people are forgetting one word in that sentence.  One small little word.

And that word is 'not.'

Why not me??

This is why I say God blessed me with chronic migraines, depression, whatever other challenges I may face in life - physical or mental.

My friends all know if they get a headache, I'm going to have some Aleve/Ibuproen on me.  And I don't mind one bit giving them one of those OTC pills to provide them with some relief.

Those who know me know that, should they be struggling with depression, I have no problem driving over to their house and getting them out of bed.  Pulling them out of bed if need be.

I think a lot of people with any kind of struggle in life are afraid to share it.  Afraid of what others will think once they find out.  Afraid of how others will judge them.

The beautiful thing about being open about our struggles is that others know that if they are facing the same challenges, they can openly talk to you about it.  You know what it's like.  You know how hard it can be to fight and overcome.

Most importantly, they know that you won't judge them for their struggles and challenges.

So, why not me??

God chose to bless me with all off these challenges.  On what grounds do I have to question Him?? Him - my Father, our Creator, my first love.

If, in God so blessing me, I can help others with their struggles and challenges, then this I ask -- why not me?

Everyone has a story...

The first goal of my journey has been set -

Goal #1: Always keep an open mind.  Everyone has a story.  Be open to listening, be open to looking past the physical, be open to hearing others' stories, be open to sharing, open up yourself - your heart . . . be open.

Having a story - that's where this journey began.

Instead of referring to your past as "your past," I have a friend who refers to it as "sharing your story."

I absolutely love that!  How many of us cringe when we think about or are referenced to our past?  Those two little words carry such a bad connotation with them. 

But how many of us cringe at the thought of sharing a story?

Think about it... How often do we avoid the questions about our past simply because of all the regrets we have regarding it? 

But, let's be honest, our past is our past.  It belongs to us.  It is personal.  It is a story.  A written story that we cannot change - despite how badly we wish we could.

Compare this to the last book you read.  You read it.  Sure there are parts of the book that you still don't remember.  But, when it comes to the basic plot of the story, you still remember it; you remember the high ups and the low downs.  You can't go back and change what you read.  It's done.  It's read.  Even though the ending may have been completely awful, that's how it ended.  You can't change that.

The same applies for our life.  Except, when it comes to your life, you're the author.

I do a fair amount of writing with my life.  Are there things I've written that I'm not totally happy with?  Yeah.  But I can't go back and change it now.  It's been submitted.  It's been read.  It is what it is.  I can't change it.

Each day, you write the story of your life.  Everyone's life story has its moments - its ups, its downs, its moments we wish we could take back. 

Regardless, part of our story is already written.  The rest, well, we continue to write it daily.

Consider this - how often do we try to hide certain parts of our story from others due to shame?  At the same time, how often do we look down on others - judge them, if you will - for certain parts of their life story?

How fair is that??

The simple answer: it isn't.

And the truth of the matter is just this -- we are all guilty of it.

We all have parts of our story that we wish we could tear out of the book, burn, and pretend like it never happened.  Yet, when others have the courage to share those pages of their story with us, we judge. 

Notice the word I used there - courage.

I will be the first to admit that I am guilty of this.  I'm guilty of judging others simply because they have courage.  Courage, a character trait I often lack though like to believe I have in plenty.

We all have a story.  And one little life event (or, in my case, one diagnosis), doesn't define us or set the plot for our stories - despite what we've told ourselves for years.  Despite what I have convinced myself to believe throughout the years.

Have courage.  Share your story!  And most importantly, don't look down on those (perhaps even judge them) who happen to have more courage than you do.

Which leads me to the second goal of my journey -

Goal #2:  Have courage.  Share your story.  Take the time to listen to others who share their stories.  Don't be afraid.  And, above all, don't judge others for possessing courage.

I've made a mistake...

A few weeks ago, I had this breakthrough realization regarding my chronic migraine life.

After my diagnosis, I made one big huge mistake.

I let it define me.

I let being a chronic migraine sufferer define me.

You know how some people define themselves by their roles - a teacher, a parent, a sister, an advocate, etc.?  I have been defining myself by my diagnosis.

But, here's the thing... My diagnosis, while it is a part of me, it isn't who I am.

For the past few years, I've let being a chronic migraine sufferer be who I am. 

There's so much more to me than just my diagnosis.

So, I've embarked on a journey to find who I really am.  Being a chronic migraine sufferer isn't who I am, it's just something that I happen to deal with - just like others may happen to deal with a broken bone, or a bug bite, or a cut/scrape. 

While I'm not quite sure who I really am right now (hence this journey), there are a few things I do know about me.  First and foremost, I am a follower of Christ.  I have devoted my life to the Lord and to doing as God commands of me.  I'm also an advocate.  I am a daughter, a sister, a friend.  I am a giver - I want to help others any way I can.  I'm an organizer.  I am a problem solver.  I am a fighter - I don't give up without a fight.  I am a child of God. 

Did you notice that being a chronic migraine sufferer didn't make that list?  I purposely left it off.  Because putting it on that list would be like saying I'm a broken toe survivor.  Yeah, I've broken my toe.  Yeah, it totally hurts.  But I don't meet people and say, "Hey! I've broken my toe before. So nice to meet you!"  That's totally ridicilious sounding, right?  Well so is choosing to let a diagnosis define me. 

There's far more to me than just a diagnosis. 

It's taken me a long time to realize this.  But, once I had that breakthrough, I realized there was so much in life I was missing out on because of the way I had chosen to define myself.  Notice how I worded that - the way I had chosen to define myself.  I put myself in that box.  And now, I'm taking myself out of that box.

So, here's to starting a journey outside of the box - a journey to find who I truly am.  Because, somewhere inbetween being diagnosed and making myself stay in a box defined simply by a diagnosis, I've lost sight of me - I've lost myself.  Here's to finding me - possibly for the first time in my adult life...