Pep Talks and Goal #5

My life this past month has been one pep talk after another.

Most are self-given.  Yes, I give myself daily pep talks.  Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do.

But, lately, I've been blessed to have someone come into my life who is fantastically amazing at giving pep talks.

So, here's the thing...

Throughout these past few months, with my life twist-turned upside down, I've had the unfortunate pleasure of figuring out - the hardest way ever - who my true friends are.  People I thought were my friends suddenly fell off the face of the earth when the realized I couldn't drop everything and do for them whenever they needed it.  It's been heartbreaking, to say the least.  To know you've invested so much time, energy, and love into someone.  And to have it all mean nothing in the end.  Heartbreaking is honestly the only word I can find to describe what it's been like.  Which, ironically, goes back to Goal #4.

But, one day, I decided I was going to go outside and get a little Vitamin C - mostly in the hopes that the sunshine would help cheer me up, allow me to relax, and melt away (ok, more like sweat away) all the heartache I'd been enduring.

Well, in this quest, I met someone.  Someone who has become a very dear friend to me (although I'm not sure they realize just how dear they are).  Each day, they hit me with a pep talk.

Today's was, as simple and obvious as it was, quite profound.  And so I'm sharing it...

"I think you're going to do great and you will look back on this and feel like you wasted so much energy worrying.  Chin up and eye on the prize.  I have faith in you.  P.S. Try to get some sleep"

How true!  The one thing standing in my way is worry (and lack of sleep - but that's a blog topic for another day).  Each day, I stare at Matthew 11:28-30, a scripture I've posted in my home.

Matthew 11:28-30 says, "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gently and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light."

I've been so consumed with worry.  Worried about my current life events and state.  Worried about these friendships that I've come to realize never really were.  Worried about making it through the day.  Worried about meeting the expectations and needs of others.  Worried about the future and what it holds.  Worried.  And, as much as I've been praying, I haven't been praying to God about the worry.  I've asked for comfort, I've asked for peace.  But I've never talked to Him about the worry.  I've never truly given it to Him.

How can I expect to achieve the true and ultimate prize - eternity in Heaven with my Maker and Savior - unless I give it all over?

Which leads me to setting my 5th goal for this journey...

Goal #5: let go of the pain, hurt, heartache, and worry.  Give it all to God so that you may obtain true rest.

Prayer

I've somewhat alluded to the fact that I've got a lot of stuff on my plate currently.

While I really don't want to deal with what I am, I must admit that it is my fault.  I have chosen this path, and with that choice comes this hard time.  And when I get real down and crabby, I catch myself reminding myself that this is self-inflicted.  I have no one to blame but me.

But that's quickly followed up with reminding myself that I'm not in this alone.  I've got God on my side.  As Dr. S reminded me, I have to ask Him for help.  And then I must let go and trust Him.  Because Psalm 3:5 commands me to do so: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths."

Well, I've got a friend that's also in the same boat as I am currently.  She texted me today expressing how she was having a rough day.  I tried offering her some of my tips/tricks that are helping me muddle through the hurdles we come to.  But, she was still discouraged.

So, I sat down and did something for her that I love doing for my friends.  When I don't know what to say, I pray.  And when I don't know the right words to say to uplift my friends, I type out special prayers for them that I've prayed to God.  Personally, I think it's one thing for someone to tell you that they're praying for you.  But it has a far greater impact when you get the chance to hear/see that prayer.  Plus, I love having something to come back to and read when I am down and need the strength and encouragement (hence blogging).

The thing about writing out prayers for my friends is that I find that praying these special prayers for them also brings me peace and comfort.  I think it's because when my friends are down, it hurts my heart as well.  And it all ties back in with Matthew 11:28 - "Come to Me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."

Until I'm out of the woods, I will continue to pray fervently, trust wholeheartedly, and play this song on repeat in my head --

Why me?

I've heard so many people say this phrase.

It's often said after a diagnosis or on a day where you're really struggling.

Whenever I hear it, I often think to myself about how people are forgetting one word in that sentence.  One small little word.

And that word is 'not.'

Why not me??

This is why I say God blessed me with chronic migraines, depression, whatever other challenges I may face in life - physical or mental.

My friends all know if they get a headache, I'm going to have some Aleve/Ibuproen on me.  And I don't mind one bit giving them one of those OTC pills to provide them with some relief.

Those who know me know that, should they be struggling with depression, I have no problem driving over to their house and getting them out of bed.  Pulling them out of bed if need be.

I think a lot of people with any kind of struggle in life are afraid to share it.  Afraid of what others will think once they find out.  Afraid of how others will judge them.

The beautiful thing about being open about our struggles is that others know that if they are facing the same challenges, they can openly talk to you about it.  You know what it's like.  You know how hard it can be to fight and overcome.

Most importantly, they know that you won't judge them for their struggles and challenges.

So, why not me??

God chose to bless me with all off these challenges.  On what grounds do I have to question Him?? Him - my Father, our Creator, my first love.

If, in God so blessing me, I can help others with their struggles and challenges, then this I ask -- why not me?

The Dreaded "D" Word

If you suffer from any debilitating chronic illness, then "the dreaded 'D' word" is likely something you are familiar with.

No, I'm not referring to a profane word.

Rather, I'm talking about the one word very few people like to bring up but many are aware of how it finds its way into our lives.

Depression.

Yes, I did just use that dreaded word.

I've never publicly admitted it, but I am now - I have been diagnosed with depression.

Some days are harder than others when it comes to dealing with it.  The smallest things seem to trigger it, and it's always on days/times where you don't anticipate it.

But when it hits, man does it hit!

There are a few things I've learned since my diagnosis:

1. Just like my migraines, it doesn't define who I am.

2. Fighting it will only make it worse.  Rather, it becomes much easier to deal with if you just accept it and ride out the highs and lows (even the lo lows) of it.

3. God chose to bless me with this.

Speaking of number 3 - I had a friend ask me the other night why I thought God chose me.  Notice how I phrased that - God chose to bless me with depression.

Here's my answer:  I don't know why God picked me.  But I do know this much -- God blessed me with depression (and chronic migraines) because He knows I can handle it.

Think about it... God picked me.  Me!  Of all of His children, He chose me!  God loves me, He has faith in me, He is with me, He knows I am strong enough to handle whatever challenges depression/migraines/etc. may throw my way.

How neat is that?? God knows just how strong I am.  He knows I am stronger than I think I am!  And He has promised to be with me and help me get through it all.  Can anything be more comforting than that?

So, to answer my friend's question -

I don't know why God picked me to be blessed with depression and chronic migraines.  Maybe it was so I could help others through their struggles.  Maybe it was so I'd constantly be reminded of His love in me thus helping me to always be thankful to Him for being mindful of me.  Maybe it was so I could show others how you can still let your light shine even in the darkest times.  Maybe it's all of these reasons.  Maybe it's none of them.

One thing I do know for sure, though.  God made me and in His image, nonetheless.  He loves me.  He is forever mindful of me.  He is always with me.

So, at the end of the day, there's really only one thing I can do: F.R.O.G. - Fully Rely On God

Are any of you closet depression sufferers? Or, on the flip-side, are any of you open about your struggles?  How do you handle your hi highs and your lo lows?  What do you turn to for comfort when you're struggling (with depression or anything else in life)?

Please feel free to share your thoughts. Whether you choose to share openly or anonymously, I'd love to hear from you!!

Welcome!

Welcome to my new blog, The Chronic Migraine Life!!

This isn't my first go-around at blogging.  I had a blog a few years back - and I was terrible at updating it (The Topper Life).  But, for some odd reason (probably because I was terrible at updating it), Blogger won't let me log into it.  So, here's to a new blog!

As the title of the blog gives away, I am a chronic migraine sufferer.  I've been in the club for about 3 years now.  I never knew what a migraine was till I got my first.  Since then, migraines have become part of who I am.

As my "about me" section states, I look at having migraines as a blessing.  My faith is incredibly important to me.  Without it, I definitely wouldn't be where I am or who I am today.

I know in my heart that God chose to bless me with chronic migraines for a reason.  And, to be quite honest, I am glad He did!  Through my migraines, I've met some amazing people, become closer to friends, and (most importantly) become closer to God.

My chronic migraines have shown me just how strong I am, just how important my family is to me (man, do I ever cherish them!), and just how much I love the Lord.

So, if you're a chronic migraine sufferer or know of someone who is, please feel free to follow along with me as I strive to overcome my migraines, look for the positive in the negative, and strive to be the best me I can possibly be (despite having migraines).

Just because I have chronic migraines, I refuse to let them control my life.  I hope this blog will be my constant reminder of that!