I am broken.

Confession: I had a meltdown tonight.  Well, technically early this morning.  But whatever.

See, I was in bed trying to fall asleep.  When, out of nowhere, thoughts of my life pre-Deep South flooded into my head.

I began thinking about the friends I had during my college days.  The fun adventures I had while in college.  The not so fun adventures I had.

And then, he came to mind.  The guy who showed me how good being in a relationship can be.  The guy who forever changed my expectations and heart for the opposite sex.  Him.

The thoughts of him suddenly made me very angry.  Angry that our relationship happened when I was so young, too young to truly understood how good I had it.  Angry that he was so good to me.  Angry that he never hurt me the way other men have since hurt me.  Angry that he couldn't have come into my life later on, once I had started figuring out what being an adult truly meant.  Angry that he always knew how to calm me and bring comfort/peace to my heart.  Angry that things ended the way they did.  Angry that it's been 7 years, yes 7, since that relationship.  Angry that thoughts of him found their way back into my life.  Angry.

Then I remembered what a "friend" told me after we broke up and I was trying to figure out life again - "You need to get single friends.  People who are in relationships don't have time for single people."

The hurt that came into my heart when those words were first spoken to me flooded back into my heart.  Except this time, the sting was far more painful.  Painful because I have seen just how true those words are. Painful because I've seen just how few single people there are out there to develop friendships with.  Painful because I've seen so many of my single friends leave the singles' club this year and walk clear out of my life.  Painful.

I am single.  I am unemployed.  I am/feel alone.  I am overwhelmed.  I am broken.

My life has been shattered into so many tiny little pieces.  And I have completely forgotten how to use a broom in order to sweep all those pieces up in order to put myself back together and move on...

Random Thought Thursdays

It's Thursday.  I've got some random thoughts to share.  And it's been a while since I've shared any.  So, here goes nothing...

ONE.  Food Should Taste Good Sweet Potato Tortillo Chips

Photo courtesy of Food Should Taste Good

These!!  These things are my new addiction.  Like I've gone through 3 bags in one week addiction.  I've had them for every meal - breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  They're that good.  When this company decided on a name, they weren't joking.  Their food really does taste good!  And, bonus for me, other grocery stores have started carrying Food Should Taste Good products.  So no more running around town to find one of those coveted bags!  If you haven't tried these chips yet, you need to.  They're so good, they're gluten free, they're kosher, they're amazingly delicious.

TWO.  Cold weather

Before I get jumped for complaining about it being cold in February (which is technically winter), let me explain.  I live in the South, the deep South.  It is not supposed to be this cold for longer than 2 months, max.  We aren't supposed to get snow and severe ice storms here.  And yet we are.  It's cold, I hate it, and I'm ready for the typical 50 degree weather to come and stick around for a while!

THREE.  80's music

The gym I work out at decided to play 80's music today.  And I absolutely loved it!!  I was totally that annoying girl who was singing along with the songs while working out (quietly and very breathy, I might add).  Today's 80's album of choice was Footloose.  Hate me for this, but here's one of my favs!  Enjoy!

Irony of this song playing at my gym - my gym is a ladies only gym.  But, I still love this song!

While this list is shorter than my usual Random Thought Thursday posts, it is what it is.  I guess Facebook has cut back on my list of random things that annoy me (which typically seems to be what my Random Thought Thursdays center around).  Regardless, I hope you enjoyed it!

Feel free to share any random thoughts you have - whatever they may be!  Happy Thursday!!

Facebook Free!!

I finally did it.  After much annoyance, I finally had enough.

I deleted my Facebook account.

And you know what?  I haven't had one single moment where I've regretted it.

Not kidding.

The other day, a family member pulled up Facebook and began reading through the updates in their newsfeed.  The more they read, the happier I became that I no longer had access to that information.

Here's the thing - I do think Facebook has its perks, its time and place.  But, people posting   e v e r y   s i n g l e   d a y   what is going on in their life isn't it.  Seriously.  I no longer have access to the baby daddy drama, the "my [insert significant other here] is the best!" postings, the bragging of how blessed everyone's life is - and I don't miss it.

Sure, I could have limited my Facebook time.  Sure, I could have kept my account but rarely (if ever) logged into it.

But I didn't want to do any of that.  I wanted it permanently out of my life - no temptation to jump back on the wagon.

I've got enough friends and family members on Facebook to tell me if something major happens in someone's life.  My legit friends have my phone number and email address to tell me their special news themselves.  I don't need Facebook making me feel bad for being single, for being childless, for not being engaged/pregnant, for struggling to find who I truly am.  I don't need Facebook telling me I'm not a complete person because I don't partake of everything my "Facebook friends" partake of.  I don't need any of the extra drama in my life.

Hi.  My name is MDL, and it's been one week since I last Facebooked.  I quit cold turkey, and I don't regret it one bit.  [Steps off soap box]