I am broken.

Confession: I had a meltdown tonight.  Well, technically early this morning.  But whatever.

See, I was in bed trying to fall asleep.  When, out of nowhere, thoughts of my life pre-Deep South flooded into my head.

I began thinking about the friends I had during my college days.  The fun adventures I had while in college.  The not so fun adventures I had.

And then, he came to mind.  The guy who showed me how good being in a relationship can be.  The guy who forever changed my expectations and heart for the opposite sex.  Him.

The thoughts of him suddenly made me very angry.  Angry that our relationship happened when I was so young, too young to truly understood how good I had it.  Angry that he was so good to me.  Angry that he never hurt me the way other men have since hurt me.  Angry that he couldn't have come into my life later on, once I had started figuring out what being an adult truly meant.  Angry that he always knew how to calm me and bring comfort/peace to my heart.  Angry that things ended the way they did.  Angry that it's been 7 years, yes 7, since that relationship.  Angry that thoughts of him found their way back into my life.  Angry.

Then I remembered what a "friend" told me after we broke up and I was trying to figure out life again - "You need to get single friends.  People who are in relationships don't have time for single people."

The hurt that came into my heart when those words were first spoken to me flooded back into my heart.  Except this time, the sting was far more painful.  Painful because I have seen just how true those words are. Painful because I've seen just how few single people there are out there to develop friendships with.  Painful because I've seen so many of my single friends leave the singles' club this year and walk clear out of my life.  Painful.

I am single.  I am unemployed.  I am/feel alone.  I am overwhelmed.  I am broken.

My life has been shattered into so many tiny little pieces.  And I have completely forgotten how to use a broom in order to sweep all those pieces up in order to put myself back together and move on...