Happy 2014!!

And...we're back!! New year, new opportunities, new chances to live life despite the chronic migraines!  Bring it on, 2014, bring it on!!

I got to looking at my recent blog roll, and I realized - I haven't had a "chronic migraine life" post in a while (which is ironic considering that's the purpose of this blog).  So, I thought it was about time to write one...

I've been MIA these past couple of weeks for two reasons: (1) I was enjoying the holidays with my family, and (2) I was dealing with migraine symptoms.

So, I was late getting my shots this round, again.  I got the flu the week I was supposed to get them, so I had to cancel.  I'm pretty sure doctors prefer patients who shower, and I hadn't done that in days since I was so sick.  I'm also pretty sure doctors prefer patients to not infect them.  Well, their next availability wasn't till 5 weeks after my actual appointment date.

About a week before my appointment, the previous round of shots had worn off.  My forehead had a few wrinkles.  My neck was so tight that my mobility was very limited.  My shoulders hunched up towards my ears as the muscles tightened into knots.  And the pain spread down my back all the way to my legs to where it became painful to walk.

The doctor put me on steroids to help (hate those darn pills).  I also spent much time under an electric blanket set on high with heating pad underneath me, also set on high.

Finally, my appointment arrived.  With the muscles being as tight as they were, this round of injections was rather painful and quite unpleasant.

And then came waiting the two weeks for them to fully kick in.  Slowly, my legs started feeling better.  Then my back.  Then my neck.  And, finally, my head.

Now that that's taken care of and out of the way (until my next round, that is), I shall attempt to resume my normal blogging schedule, whatever that is...

Foreshadowing

Well, my confused nerves are officially unconfused and back to working as "normal people nerves" work.

Which means hello migraine - Day 7.

Been on steroids since Day 4.  Like heavy duty steroids.  When the steroids are in my system and working, life is bearable.  When they wear off, life sucks and I feel like poop.

All set up to get my shots on Friday.  Although I'm worried that by the time I roll in on Friday, I'll be too far gone for the shots to provide the relief they usually do.

Saving my last abortive for the week for my dear friend's wedding on Saturday.  Because that's one event that I'd really like to enjoy and be present (physically and mentally) for.

Regardless, I foresee yet another hospitalization in my near future.  Not the dream vacation I had planned, but at least I'm on vacation and don't have to worry about missing out on important life events (like work, school, socialization activities, etc.).

Wish I could blog more, but my head just can't handle it right now.

Next post likely to revolve around being hospitalized for a migraine.  One, because I've never blogged about that before.  And two, because it's looking like that's what's about to happen to me...

Stay tuned!

Confused Nerves

A few months ago, I posted about my experiences with getting Botox as a treatment for migraines.  (Check out that blog post here)

I'm like clockwork - every 12 weeks, I'm in Dr. S's office getting 31 injections.

Well, because of things I'd been facing in life around that 12 week mark, I ultimately cancelled my appointment.

Normally, this is not something I'd recommend.  Seriously.  Once you get on a 12 week schedule, stick to it.  It's honestly what's best.  12 weeks is just the perfect amount of time where the shots start wearing off.  And before things can get too bad, you're getting reinjected.

But, I'm currently 4 weeks past that 12 week point.  Which means my muscles are starting to move again and my nerves are starting to come alive again.

I live in The Deep South.  If you thought August was hot where you live, seriously, come down South.  Not only are things bigger down South, but they're far hotter as well!

I took up running a few months ago.  Today, I was that idiot you see out running when it's 100 degrees outside.  But I had to get in a run today.  And, honestly, the time I ran was the best time of the day I could have gone for a run (and the coolest daylight time).

As I was sweating profusely, my nerves decided that, now since they are slowly coming back to life again, they should react to such extreme heat.  And so they did.  By sending out cold signals.

Yes.  I was totally sweating like a man with goosebumps all up and down my body.

The first time it happened, it was slightly scary.  It was a new experience that I had never experienced before.  I didn't know if it was normal, unhealthy, bad, etc.  But now, it's getting to that annoying point.  While I'm glad my nerves aren't quite alive enough yet to send out legit pain signals, it's frustrating to be standing out in 100 degree weather looking like I'm freezing cold.  Because I'm definitely not.  I just have very confused nerves currently.

Next week will be the 5 week past 12 mark (aka the 17 week point).  Luckily, next week will be the week these nerves will yet again be injected.

Until then, please excuse me while I sweat profusely while looking like I'm freezing cold.  Because I'm totally not.

Overcoming Vertigo

When I was first diagnosed with migraines, I was pretty quiet about it.  Mostly because I was still trying to figure out what migraines were and what having migraines meant to me.

About a year after I was originally diagnosed, the migraines became far more frequent and intense.  It was at that point where I was diagnosed as having chronic migraines.  I went from having maybe one migraine a month to at least 3 a week.

The more frequent the migraines became, the more vocal I became about having migraines.

I did that for numerous reasons.  The main one being I just wasn't able to do it all anymore.  I needed help.  And unless you tell people you need help, they don't know.

Becoming more comfortable with being vocal about migraines lead to two really neat things.  One, I was able to be more vocal with my doctor.  I could ask really incredibly honest and candid questions, questions that I may have previously googled to find an answer to.  I was able to sit down with my doctor and be completely honest with him about my fear of having a stroke.  And we had a really good, really lengthy conversation about my stroke risks, things that raised my risk, and things I could do to help decrease my risk.

The second really neat thing that happened was people started sharing their migraine stories with me.  I learned about different symptoms others suffered from.  Which helped shed some light on symptoms I had but didn't quite understand.  It helped me realize that some of what I thought was me going crazy was just the migraines.

The other night, a friend of mine texted asking if I ever experienced vertigo with my migraines.  When I told her I had, she asked me what I did for them.

Well, a few months ago, I was really struggling with vertigo.  I knew it was because I was getting close to needing another round of Botox.  But, it was miserable.  Being single, working two jobs, and going to school, the vertigo was just too much.  After a call to the doctor, I was told to start drinking Gatorade.

Ok, call me crazy, but I absolutely hate Gatorade.  Hate it.  I have yet to find a flavor that is somewhat bearable.  Upon advice from my doctor's secretary, I bought the grape kind (which tastes nothing like any grape I've ever had).  I also bought the low calorie kind knowing the vertigo was too much for me to go run on a treadmill to work off the amount of calories in a normal Gatorade.  I also bought the kind that was high in electrolytes and high in carbs (which also happened to be the kosher kind).

I quickly learned that sipping on the Gatorade was no way to help the vertigo.  I had to actually drink a fair amount of the stuff.  And the only way I could somewhat stand to do that was to make sure it was super super cold.

So, I passed this advice on over to my friend.  She then told me something that most people wouldn't find nearly as sweet as I did.  She said, "When my doctor isn't available, you're my next contact."

I often forget how lucky I am to have the doctor I have.  If I call his office, I usually get a call back with an answer in about an hour.  If I know my doctor's secretary is out of town, I have his email address.  Very rarely am I left to suffer wondering what to do.

I'm so grateful that I have formed the personal relationship with my doctor that I have.  Because, if nothing else, it has really helped me to not fear the migraines, to not fear talking about migraines, and to be comfortable enough to share my migraine story with others - especially in their time of need.

Thoughts on Botox

I'm a chronic migraine sufferer.  As if the title of my blog didn't give that away.

So, what does that mean?

It means that everyday brings its own physical struggles.  Some days, it's nausea.  Some days, it's dizziness (vertigo).  Some days, it's seeing random non-existent objects (usually some type of a bug).  Some days, it's feeling like my nerves are on fire.  Some days, it's pounding head pain.  Some days, it's a combination of all the above.

I do not take daily preventative medication.  [Insert shock here.]

I tried preventatives.  They didn't work.  They actually made the migraines worse.  And they brought a lot of other ugly side-effects into my life.

But not taking preventatives caused me to max out on my abortives.  Which led to me taking a ton of steroids.  And prescription pain pills.  All so I could just get out of bed.  And when I couldn't, off to the hospital for a 3-4 day stay I went.

I told my doctor I couldn't do it anymore.

So, he told me out about Botox injections.  Yes, Botox.  That stuff that rich women inject into their faces to get rid of their wrinkles.  Well, that toxin is known to do amazing things for migraineurs.

In July 2011, I got my first taste of Botox for migraines.  My doctor's secretary told me it was just 7 shots.  I don't do shots well.  Scratch that.  I don't do needles well.  But, I told myself I could handle 7.  After all, I could count them off on my hands!

After waiting in the office for 2 hours (and getting sick in the bathroom numerous times), I was finally called back.  And then my doctor dropped the bomb.  It's not 7 shots.  It's 31.  31.  [Insert me having a meltdown in the doctor's office, in front of my doctor, here.]  I literally cried through the entire procedure.  Balled my eyes out.  And, it took about an hour total to get it done.  Halfway through, my doctor told me I was brave.  As if him saying that would make me feel so much better about him giving me 31 shots in the head.  (It didn't, in case you were wondering.)

Since then, I've had it done 6 more times.  And, I haven't cried once!  But it still sucks.  So, here's what no one told me about getting 31 injections into your head.  (Okay, in all fairness to me, I googled it prior to getting it done and nothing came up because it had just recently been approved by the FDA for migraine treatment.)

1.  The procedure takes about 15-30 minutes.  It all depends on your doctor, their familiarity with the procedure, and whether or not you're crying so hard that the doctor gives you breaks to breathe so you don't pass out on him.

2.  It is considered in-office surgery.  So, if anyone ever tries to tell you to suck it up, it's no biggie, kindly inform them that insurance would beg to differ as it treats it quite differently than an office visit.

3.  I've been getting the injections for nearly 2 years.  I'm still not used to the fact that I cannot move my eyebrows.  Like at all.  I try.  Nothing happens.  I always ask my esthetician to wax my brow with an arch in it since I can't move them to show expression.  That way, it doesn't look like I'm angry 24/7.  I'm sure I'll be a sight to see when I'm 80 - a wrinkled prune from nose down, and straight wrinkle-free skin from eyes up.

4.  You can tell when the Botox is being injected.  Because it burns.  Not like it's on fire burns.  But definitely a stronger sensation than a sting.

5.  It takes 2 weeks for the injections to fully kick in.  But you will feel some immediate changes.  The biggest being that your skin will feel tight.  It's as if someone has pulled your skin as tightly as they can across your face.  I always want to rub my head after I get them done to loosen up my skin.  But, I never do because nothing good would come from that.

6.  You will have little needle marks on your forehead for a day or two following.  But, unless you're looking for them, they aren't noticeable.

7.  I always leave the office with at least one visible bruise.  Granted, I bruise easily.  It's almost to the point where when something happens, I can say with almost certainty that it'll bruise.  And it usually does.  This last time, my doctor asked me what I do about the bruises - cover them with makeup, part my hair differently, hide my face from the world.  Here's the honest answer (which I gave him) - I sport them proudly.  And, when people ask, I tell them my doctor did it.  Which is usually followed by the story that I get injections in my head, and it's from one of the injections.

8.  I take the day off from life the day I get the injections.  Here's why.  My doctor only does them on Fridays.  And, my appointment is usually around 10am.  I don't see the point of going into work for only an hour, especially on a Friday.  Once I get them, I'm exhausted.  As in I usually crash an hour or so afterwards exhausted.  Sleeping also helps my body relax, which helps me to not experience all the weird sensations your nerves/muscles go through as the Botox kicks in.  If I don't allow myself to have this downtime, I get a killer awful migraine.  It's a must for me.

9.  For all my loved ones, I've added my ninth tip.  Others don't like watching the procedure.  Apparently, it makes them super uncomfortable, nauseous, grateful they aren't the ones getting the 31 injections.  I've taken family/friends with me to distract me, comfort me, and (mostly) so they could visually experience it to understand the lengths I'm going to for relief.  Now, I go alone because family/friends can't watch it.  My doctor is usually pretty good about striking up some kind of non-injection related conversation with me.  But, I'm also not afraid to change the topic when he starts talking about the details of the procedure.

10.  It's all mind over matter.  Yes, it sucks.  No, it isn't fun.  But, if getting 31 shots in my head means I'll have the strength to get out of bed and actually function on a daily basis, 31 shots it is.

So, there are my top 10 thoughts on Botox - things I wish I would have known and that have taken me almost 2 years to learn.

If you have any other tips to add, please do so!  If you have any questions about the procedure (or days following), please ask!

PS  I usually refer to the procedure as my shots.  Because I hate having to explain to people why, at my age, I get Botox (and that insurance covers for me to be wrinkle-free).